Between Expansion and Release

Welcome to Wabi Sabi, the art of imperfection. And today Jim created, or just told me that the topic of discussion today is going to be great quote. Cause for me it's that, you know, I just got back from, you know, Canada and New York and definitely went through some expansion through eating my way through New York city every single day. But anyway, so I'm going give it to Jim to talk about what our topic for today is.

you You uh What a great segue actually, are so I'm off to Australia and New Zealand next week myself. So maybe there is a little bit of expansion that's because there's some foods that I am looking forward to uh getting stuck into it. And, know, I don't have the same high brow uh culinary experience that you do Lawrence. I just like to eat food and copious amounts of it. So I'm looking forward to visiting some of my favorite favorite haunts. uh

Yeah. Well, I was like, you know, I was expanding and then actually took a week of detox. just tried to like D you know, to, contract. then I had to go fly to Germany of the weekend to do a seminar. And then, you know, first meal we had was, uh, so you know, for it's a, right. So he, where it's, takes me out to like a steak and rib place and, uh and we walk in, you know, it was at nine o'clock at nighttime. Cause my flight was delayed. So 9 PM, I don't even need that late. And it's a steak and rib place, but everybody were having steak ribs. Like it was ribs.

It did, it contract. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. beat wow like the Flintstones type ribs

big racks of ribs. And it goes, well, yeah, yeah. So it's like, it's, it's like a table share, right? So it's like, you buy your pork, this isn't like your own personal portion. It's sort of like, okay, how many portions do you want? And so it was just me and him. So like ribs, and there's like three stacks of like just ribs and we just take it. It's like, it's almost delicious. Like it's just juice and moist and barbecue is amazing. And then, and then again, so I go right back to expansion. So like, I'm still trying to contract. So yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Trying to, trying to, trying to catch up. Um, sorry, you got, you got me talking about all this food. Now you got all this food and it's just, my mind's just like, what's my name? I can't remember. So I thought it would be a really good thing to talk about. You know, anybody who listened to the recording we did last week was a really profound one in Lawrence's and hopefully if you haven't heard that, make sure you go back to it because it was a really expansive.

Sorry, man, I was talking about food and.

And this one was, I guess it was more, I've been sitting in reflection in myself and a topic that keeps coming up at the moment is expansion and contraction. And in part, because I think it mirrors a lot of how we do life and we go through and reflect and go back and go, yes, expansion, contraction. talk about in the food process is one element of that same law, because sometimes when you're an expansion, you're only concentrating on taking stuff in or being open. At other times we're contracting, we're playing defense or we're probably not feeling as confident or not as, as, um, open to possibilities as a result. So I definitely wanted to explore that. It's been a recurring theme for quite a few people I've been working with and I've even realized that, know, of myself as well too. So I, now that I have the awareness, I'm engaging on being more expansive moving forward. So that's pretty much the prelude to it. Lawrence. Let's, let's go.

Yeah, know, one of the things that for me when it comes to expansion and contraction itself, you know, I've been in periods of my life where, you know, you try to, you know, I have it of the mindset around abundance thinking, right? So like that's more of an expansive kind of energy and frequency that you actually have. it kind of does, let's just go in there, right? And I try to, I try to pride, I don't know if that's the right word, but like I try to pride myself to be more of a,

Yeah.

abundance mindset type of person and to see the world what has to offer. But there's gonna be moments in life that there's gonna be, you know, in my life, there was periods of contraction, you know, where there's fear, doubt, you know, whether I'm going to be able to make it. you know, you're losing money or maybe the cash flow is kind of going down and you can try to adapt or...

Mm-hmm.

have this mindset of expansion into like, you know, there's abundance, the world will provide and just trust that that process. But I gotta tell you, when you're in a contractive type of situation, especially when it comes to finance, I find it very, very difficult to maintain that expansion field within you. You can try, of course, you can try to like, you know, really speak your mind and will it to happen, but I definitely struggle at times to like,

Hmm.

the constrictive feeling is almost like a boa constrictor, and you're trying to expand, it's almost like it's so hard to do. It actually takes more effort to be abundance thinking mindset when you're being strangled. And the reason why I'm putting that out there is because I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way. So when things are going really well, when you got extra finances, when things are going well, or when you're on a ride, and this is,

Yep. Hmm. oh

on a bull run, know, XRC in, you know, on when crypto or real estate or when everything's going up, like we just, the energy shifts, right? Everybody just feels like it's just more giving, you're gonna start, you know, expanding. And so that's easy. What's hard to expand is when you're constricted. And yeah, so that's the challenge I've had to overcome and, well, actually overcoming constantly because it's just,

Yep.

Expansion and contractions is a dynamic thing, not just a one-time thing. And so I think that I want to kind of maybe start there, just to look at how difficult it can be to have that abundance, expansion mindset and frequency when things in your life or what the signals are showing you otherwise.

Lawrence, I don't think you buy your own, you know, there's, can relate to it. At least there's two people in the world that feel the same way, but there's a lot of people who have that. And, I'm reading a book at the moment called rewiring happiness, which is written by a neuroscientist who talks that we are predisposed to think survival based thoughts over and above self actualization, right? Which is true. Anybody who's ever looked at the hierarchy of needs by Abraham Maslow says the fundamental you've got to have your base. security and needs met first before you start self-actualizing. So the process of thinking positively and thinking, doing all the personal growth development is actually more than the abnormal than the normal, right? Because we have to make sure our base needs are met. And what the author here was talking about, which, which, and I think that's probably part of the reason that stimulated this whole thought process for me was, you know, our, our base beliefs for a lot of people are survival based. And we have to put attention to the positive because both positive and negative things happen in life, but we are conditioned to focus on the severity of the bad stuff. And when good stuff happens, we don't give it enough bandwidth, enough reference. And that's why there's whole practices about having to stay in gratitude because you very rarely hear anybody say, know what you really need to reflect on how badly things are for a little while every day. because we just do that naturally, right? We don't have to, we don't need anybody to remind us to do that. So the default, if it's a negative highlights that the contraction quite often is the default setting for a lot of people. And you have to intentionally focus on the good stuff to ensure that you stay open to life.

Yeah, I remember the analogy I always kind of gave, you know, a long time ago to my patients. It was like, you got to remember your mind. We'll call it the mind, not necessarily the brain. Like I'm talking about the mind is the, it's not the physical thing, it's the, you know, who you are, the essence of who you are and how you think. The mind is like a garden and inevitably, unfortunately, em every garden is going to have its weeds. And you have to intentionally go and find the weeds and pull it out. And if you don't, if you don't intentionally do that, will, well, the weeds will take over your garden. And that's what you're saying really, because if you don't constantly and intentionally go out of your way to remove the weeds, it will become, the weeds become your norm. And we've all seen houses where it's messy. We've seen houses where the garden is just full of weeds. And you're looking at it like, who on earth lives like that? Or who on earth, why would they want to? to have that happen, but the reality is that if it becomes the norm, that is the norm for them. Like, don't see it any differently. And we see this in personalities as well. I've seen, you know, I'm sure we all meet people who are just negative all the time. And you go, how are you so negative? it's most, the person being negative doesn't know they're being negative, right? Because they don't realize, they don't see the contrast because that's their norm.

Hmm. Hmm.

And it's like that internal thermostat they've already established. And until someone really points it out to them, or they somehow are aware of it, they're not gonna change because they don't realize there's something wrong.

Yeah, it's exactly. It's the awareness. And when you find yourself thinking a particular way and others around you might see it, but you don't see it. Well, I've had this scenario in the last little while where I've caught myself and went, Oh, actually that's, that's a contracted version. And it wasn't so much. not big picture thinking, whatever, but it was more avoiding certain things, you know, like not looking for the complicated pathway, but for the simpler one, you know, and maybe it's because, you know, I've been away. I'd been working really busy and I came back and I, and I was tired and I had, had a health expression. had a cold and flu, which kept me off any kind of training for a week and the process of Starting the engines again and getting started again is like man. It's just it's really hard You know like even forget about what I do in my top gear It's like getting out of first gear for the first couple of days was like that's really tough I just I could go for to the gym or I could just sit here and keep doing what I'm doing and ready to all Not do much and it that's the contracted spoke that wasn't and I and it wasn't even just that it was like hey We have this opportunity to go out and do something on the weekend And I had to motivate myself to do it, even though that would be something that I go normally. I'm really, really interested in doing that. So I had to really see it with what was going on. put it down to just being low energy and recovering. Uh, but I wasn't sure whether that was associated with it because one thing then leads to another, the lens to another. So whenever you're not feeling great, you're going to crave foods that you don't normally eat. You know, you don't want to exert energy and it becomes a downward spiral. uh And before you know it you've gone down this rabbit hole

Well, I think, you know, the chiropractic, you we were chiropractors in our previous lives, I guess, and we can kind of sort of see that like firsthand almost every day as practitioners and also even as a client of, you know, being getting adjusted, you can really feel the difference when you get a great adjustment or when adjustment you needed. Also, when you get off that table, you're like, oh my God, I see the world differently, or you feel or. experience the world differently, because all of a sudden your perception has changed. And the only thing that's changed is that your nerves are just working better. Like your brain is perceiving the world in a much better place. And so that unleashed the sort of the connection that's made in terms of your body physically, all of a sudden now allows you to experience the world differently. And all of sudden now you can adapt or do things differently. And I think that that is the sense that I get and then to change it happens when you're unwell, you know, when you're not feeling well.

Hmm.

you're in a contractive state because your body's trying to protect energy, right? Your body's trying to get to a point of going like, let's preserve as much energy possible because you're dying. Like that's what it's thinking, right? Cause you're dying. If we don't take care of this, this virus is to spread. And if this virus continues to spread, we're in trouble and we don't want you to be in trouble cause we rely on you to stay alive. So therefore it's going to conserve the energy. That's why we're so tired all the time, right? When we get sick. That's why it's forcing you to go to bed. And oftentimes what we do as humans, we think we're smarter.

Yeah. Hmm.

than our body. we try to, we actually go, no, you don't know what you were doing. Take these pills, shut up and let me do my thing. Right. And you force yourself to go to work. You force yourself to do all these things. Yeah. You're so drawn and you realize like, Oh, right. Ah.

Yep. soldier on. That was a campaign. That was a marketing campaign. Yeah. It was codral and you know, sort of ephedrine. was really the tagline was soldier on. Yeah.

Interesting, right? that's what you do. Yeah, so basically you're your body into overdrive. And sometimes your body will like, okay, just deal with it. But most of time your body's gonna say, well, okay, obviously this idiot's not listening to me, right? So therefore I'm gonna throw him a brick ah and actually make this worse. And that's why people get worse, is because you don't listen to your body and you don't listen to the little niggles. And that's when you harm yourself. And I think we're all guilty of this, right? We've all done this at one point. you almost have to go through it to kind of learn the lesson. And sometimes even though we learn the lessons, we continue to learn the lesson. But my whole point is that sometimes contraction is important. Contraction is important in our bodies. It's our body's way of resting, recovering, uh and it's a state of redesigning and resetting. And that's why every night when we go to bed, it's a contraction state, right? And so that allows you to expand in the morning. so I think... the dynamics of contraction and expansion is a dynamic flow from one to the other. And to think that you only live in this consciousness of expansion only, I think that's a false expectation um that is very difficult to live up to. I don't know if it's healthy.

Yeah, you're right. Because there's a, there's a, you can't, you can't be happy all the time. It's an artificial scenario and people have an expectation that I'll only ever be happy. No, the, the, you've always got these counterbalances. You've always got for every night there's day, you know, and, and you, for every hot, there's cold. And that is the natural order of life and how things transpire have to be. And so you've got a contraction and expansion as normal states. Interestingly, you know, when you talked about your energy levels and self-preservation, you know, as you said, you know, we've been involved in healthcare for a long time and there's, there will never be one health practitioner who has gone out there in a day that they're not feeling great or they're in a, you know, stinking mood where pretty much the phone starts ringing and it's people canceling appointments because energetically they can feel it. And I've had days like that where I just went I just either wasn't in the right headspace or I wasn't as energized as I could be and The universe helped me out here by basically saying, know all these people you're due to say you don't need to see them anymore today and Sometimes it wasn't because I was tired Sometimes it might have been just you're just not in a bad mood You're not in a great mood or your thinking isn't really at the level that these people expect you to be so life recalibrated things based on where that energy level was. And yeah, it's amazing how it played out that

And I think on the same topic is I think, you know, if we want to kind of move in towards expansion, I think we need to ensure that the expansion occurs. What we're saying here is, it's a combination of a few things. It's not just your thoughts, but it's actually your body and your mind. And so it's the physical, you know, the chemical and the emotional part of our expansion, right? So, which means that it's really difficult to just only think in abundance without having your body be in a position to expand. Right? You're gonna be limited by the physical self because the, I know we're getting so deep today. This is really interesting. anyways, so I'm just, what I guess what I'm saying is that you can, you know, expand like mentally or philosophically or, you know, in a frequency, but if your body physically isn't, not capable to expand to the potential, then your potential is capped. Like that expansion and the abundance is capped based on your physicality.

Yeah. Cool.

And vice versa, I think, right? So you can have like, you your body's ready in prime to expand into a healthier state or betterment or stronger. But if your mind is in a contracted state, then that's not gonna work either. Like it's gonna be limited. And so I think it's the combination. We just need to see as a human, as a human being, we're a combination of soul and physical. And it's a combination of both. And if we can align expansion,

Yep.

in the spiritual and the physical, we are capping, not capping, we're actually allowing the best potential possible, potential outcome.

Yeah, I could, I could see that and how I interpret what you're saying is it's the embodiment, right? Because if you try and radically change from one state to another, it's kind of like a rebound effect. It's kind of, it's not really an empowered transition and process. And sometimes what happens too quickly, freaks out your body. freaks out your mind and it's not sustainable. can't keep, you can't grasp it. And the, was explained to me very early on as a concept by Um, a financial planner of all things, when he was modeling and showing me the consolidated process of wealth creation, where he was basically saying, listen, you can either have, uh, basically a roller coaster or a stair step. And if you can handle a stair step where you go up, you consolidate up, consolidate up, consolidate. That's actually a more stable, sustainable state. And it made a lot of sense. Right. And, and, and in terms of if, if, whenever we see.

Hmm.

I always noted that, and you may be the same tree Lawrence, when someone analyzes their business statistics and particularly in practices, which are very people focused, if the statistics are going up and down, up and down, up and down, like a yo-yo, that generally indicates to me there's emotional, lack of emotional regulation in the person who's running the practice. For example, And so there's not a consolidated state there. People who are flat lining, well, they obviously need to expand more because there's no life in that practice. But the ones who are steadily improving over time is showing consolidation and system. So they improving as time goes on. So that's very considered and it's very deliberate. But if you radically change things too quickly, it creates instability. And whether it's in your thoughts, in your body. And that reflects in other areas outside of those particular metrics that I just mentioned as well.

And they're the most common when you when you when you feel like you're in a contracted state because when you're in a contracted state you're going to feel the emotional ups and downs a lot more um readily like I mean it's almost a causes whiplash it's almost like looking someone looking at their business stat like on a day-to-day basis or they're looking at their bank account statement on a day-to-day basis or even a week-to-week basis so it's almost like A good week where they'll feel happy and on a bad week, they'll feel sad. And so that up and down is usually because they're measuring in weeks, not in months or years or quarters. And I think it's, I'm not saying that, you know, looking at your stats and statistically on a daily, weekly are not important, but if you're emotionally attached to it, like I was when I first started in practice, like I was emotionally attached to like my weekly stats, so much so that I was actually having a bad weekend or a good weekend depending on what happened that week.

Yep. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm.

or what was expected of what the next week was gonna do. It was so silly, I used to think in practice, was like on the weekend on a Friday when I was done or Saturday when I was done, I would look ahead and see how many patients I would have the next week. And depending on that number of whether fall above or below my expectation, I would have a great weekend or a terrible weekend. And what the craziest thing was is that if it fall below the number that I expected, I'm gonna have a terrible weekend, I'm beating myself up, like, oh my God, I'm terrible, I'm such a terrible chiropractor. whatever internal stories I have. The crazy thing is that what am gonna do on a Saturday and Sunday to change that? Nothing. There's nothing I can do that's gonna move that number. So basically looking at the stat, which then affected me emotionally, just ruined my weekend, not just me for me, because I ruined it for my wife. It was like one of the reasons why I stopped looking at it at the end of the week. It's not like I didn't know I did good or bad or whatever, but there's no point looking ahead for something that

Yeah. Hmm. Hmm.

is that hasn't happened. So many things could happen next week, but there's nothing I can do about it now. So I think oftentimes we're so worried, and my mom actually, when she was alive, was, I remember there was a period of time in life, in every discussion we had, she was so worried about the world. And she was like, man, the world's falling apart, and this thing is happening, this is like, oh, it's terrible, this earthquake happened. And I'm starting to think, And I was trying to figure out where is all this coming from? And of course, you know, the answer to this is like, oh, she's just watching the news. Right? As she's watching the news, it's terrible. If I, I mean, this morning, I caught myself looking at the news, like in terms of like what's on, you know, what's around. The world is falling apart. Let me tell you, it is falling apart. There is rifts everywhere, there's riots everywhere. Like it is falling apart. But that's the feeling I get, right? Because that's what the news report. That's what they want you to feel.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Hmm.

I'm not saying it's not, right? I'm not saying it's not an indication that something bad's happening. But what I am saying though is that if the only thing you judge your feelings or internals of how you view the world is only through the news, which is designed to hit that mammalian brain of yours or like to tap into that fight or flight, you know, that's because that gets attention. Of course, you're going to think the world is terrible. And then you live and usually when people used to watch the news, they watched the news in the morning and at the end of the day. And so the morning sets you up like, my God, the world's on fire. So you have a terrible day, you're in contraction all day. And yet the end of the day, you're just basically confirming, yes, it was a terrible day. You can have a terrible sleep and then the cycle continues. And I think that we gotta be careful or how this is what you said about the weeds, or what I said about the weeds, know? This is exactly what it is. It's like, if you intentionally not watch the news, that's taking a weed out. But if you intentionally like allow news to affect you or, you know, use it as your baseline.

Yep. Yep. Hmm.

then you're feeding, you're actually planting the weeds in your own garden.

Yeah. No, it's a good point. It's a good point. And you're right about the news, you know, and it's, you know, for the about two or three weeks, I had been, I've had been sort of tapping into things because normally I'll just focus on sport and business. There are two areas I just focus on, right? Just business. Yeah, we're going all right. We're going all right at the moment. So, and if, if my team in, in Australia are in the finals.

And depending on which team, that could also be a very negative thing.

But we're facing a uh first elimination this weekend. um, uh it could be, but, I, I, I long ago accepted that. Right. So if we're not in there, I'll just tune out. don't, I don't worry about it, but I realized I was, and I was really, you, you mentioned something that caused for reflect in terms what you're saying about your mom, but I think I was doing that as well too. But interestingly, when we just talking about mom, my parents are post war migrants. And so they grew up in an environment where you naturally had a higher level of default to contraction, know, contraction in terms of, there's people fighting each other. You know, let's be honest, it's somehow, you know, not necessarily different in some areas of the world right now. And so understandably they're in a contracted state. And I remember interesting when you were talking about practice, there was one year, you know, we'd bought our practice and things are going okay, progressing. And then one week. I made the, uh, I had a call with my mom and dad and they said, was, how was practice? And I go, yeah, it was really quiet this week. I had a really quiet week this week. And you know, it was bad enough that it was quite in a week as we'd start, you know, we took out loans and all those kinds of things, but I didn't think anything of it. And then about three days later, my, my mom got calls up and says, Hey, um, we've just been thinking your dad and I haven't slept for the last three days. If you need some money. Let us know, we'll wire it to you. You'll be okay. don't. And I went, hang on a sec. How did it go from quiet week to I'm now on, on the in trouble and bankruptcy. And I realized, holy smoke, that is where all my conditioning comes from. Right. Because I've worked so hard to override the story that I grew up with. And that was you are, and my parents ended up being exceptionally wealthy in the end.

in trouble on bankruptcy.

But it wasn't because of an abundant mindset that were running away from mindset. And it was all fear-based, fear-based. And it was like, Hey, listen, you've got to work really hard and you've got to, you know, and, and the, the, the strong stoic parts of me I've inherited, but I've also occasionally inherited that default. When something happens, my brain goes to that spot first and I have to work really hard to go, no, you're not staying here.

They did it out of fear, you mean. Yeah.

And that's where those weeds would stay if I didn't. And so these, these are scenarios where you could, you know, you hear of people who are exceptionally exceptionally wealthy and yet still live in a base of fear of like, could all be lost tomorrow. And you don't get the enjoyment of the scenario that you're in because you're living in a base base of fear.

Yeah. It's really, don't know if you can, well I mean I guess, I'm sure I can say never, but that's exactly what happens. I hang around with those people all the time, right? Because you know, as some of you may know, may not know, if you're the first time listener, like I'm the chair for a group or an organization called Tiger21. So one of my role and responsibility is to basically facilitate members who are extremely wealthy. They're high net worth individuals. And, You know, it's what's interesting when I first joined or as being a Tiger chair is that I'm hearing numbers that are not usually talked and thrown around, right? Yeah, no. Well, yeah, yeah. They're yet worth our telephone numbers like big, right? Yeah, yeah, okay, I got that. It took me a while. And you're like, what are we talking about? You know, like,

Telephone numbers. That's alright. oh

I'm, you know, here I'm talking like seven figures, but no, they're talking like eight, nine figures and, they're just throwing these numbers as if it's normal. Right. And so I just realized I lived in a different world, you know, not like, again, it's not to criticize. It's not good or bad. It's just that I just wasn't involved in those conversations. And now that I've been involved in a little bit more, it's like, it's normal to talk about these numbers and as if it's like the norm. So I got into Tiger for that. One of the reasons is because I wanted to rewire my brain. I wanted to make it my norm. I wanted to make it like this uh is what's expected. I actually had a conversation with a prospect today and was a similar. He was looking for a peer group who could, he has friends of course, but none of them, and they know that he's wealthy, but they don't know how much. And he's just not gonna disclose that, but he also wants to be able to have friendships and peer groups to have conversations who.

Yep.

can understand what it means to have that wealth. Because I will tell you firsthand, without obviously disclosing names and situations, but what you just said is these people have more money and they know it. Intellectually they know it. Intellectually they know it. They have more money than they think they ever spend. However, I would say 99 % of them, and maybe I'm wrong, 90%, I recall 90 plus percent of them have a fear.

Yeah. Yeah.

of losing it all. And it's not uncommon. If anything, that was the one shocking thing to me was that on one hand, they will show like, yes, we're fine. But in a room of where I'm in, it's like the vulnerability hits, which is going, you know, but what if, right? Because most of them are first time wealth creators, which means that they're the first generation who's ever created this amount of wealth. And

Yeah.

there's always that fear because they work their butts off to get to that level, but there's always that fear. So I don't know if that fear ever will fully go away, even for the people who have it. So I guess what I'm saying is that even if you did make it, whatever number that is, I think you're always gonna have a fear, at least based on my assumption and my observation, that I think there's always a bit of fear in you that goes, what if though? And so that protective mechanism, now guides you to make certain financial decisions or decisions to ensure that never happens. And that's the old programming that's what you're talking about, that is sort of carried through within you.

But particularly within the area of finance as well too, there's like a wealth imprint that we all have this, this wealth set point. And some people have a higher one. Some people have a lower one and you default to whichever level it is very much like a thermostat that you talked about earlier on. And so when people have exceeded that then For some of them, they'll either they'll feel uncomfortable. know, a lot of the narrative, a lot of the times with people who have smashed it out of the park in that setting is the belief almost that, like you said, there's a fear could go or, or only the paranoid survive. they, they, they, they're still in a contracted state, even though their reality represents that. there's a different mindset. You know, when we talk about scarcity and abundance, you can be scarce and exceptionally wealthy and abundant and not necessarily reflecting that on your balance book. Either, you know, we've only just had to have traveled throughout parts of Asia and the South Pacific to realize how much poverty there is. yet they live with the, with a life motto of abundance and expansion, which is like, which is like out of reference to everybody else in the Western world. So it's, it's, it's a really interesting paradox there where you can go, how can I accept the reality of the situation and also ensure that.

Yeah.

I don't have blind spots. don't, I don't basically drink the Kool-Aid and buy into this whole thing, realizing that there's a pothole that I can't see right

Okay, so here's the thought process, right? So as you go through there, it's like, we've been talking about expansion and contraction, but there's an assumption we're making that it's, the expansion is the same for all of us, and the contraction is the same for all of us. And if you, just using your analogy there, it's just not, right? We could, we all have our expansion contraction based on our level of like experience.

Okay.

But our expansion, our biggest expansion might just be someone else's contraction. All right, so using example like if for people who are like say in Asia, let's say in someone, you take a family in Bali for example, Like our lowest contraction in terms of finances is unfathomable for some of their highest level expansion. So similar to what I just said to you, like my expansion was, know,

Yeah. Yeah.

you're well off if you hit the seven figure kind of mark. But for these people, if they ever hit seven figures, they'll be like, oh, we're done. Well, yeah, we're done. Like, my memory's like down to my last year or something. And so that's what I mean by, so like, think, and I think we all have a certain level of expansion and contraction that we need to kind of break through, right? And I recognize that even amongst my friends sometimes, it's like some of them talk about like these crazy numbers in their business and you're like,

I'm down to my last year. Yeah.

I never even consider that. Or I can consider, can fathom it in a way, but I'm like, I don't even know how to get there or do that. And so these thoughts kinda really go through and it's challenging sometimes to recognize it. And I think it's for our own, I guess the conclusion is for me is that we have to be aware of our own expansion contractions and making sure that we're doing that. Like I said, it is a dynamic thing, so we have to go through periods of contractions to kind of get the expansion. But at some point when you regulate that, I think it's also just as important for us to recognize again, okay, well, what if our expansion isn't big enough, or maybe it should be bigger? Like again, it's just something for all of us to reflect upon, to stretch.

Yep. Yeah. It's a good point. It's a good point. You definitely mentioned the, the financial arm. I want to put it to you. There's two other areas that we could probably consider as well too, right? In the area of relationship expansion and contraction, where you can close off to life and love after being hurt. So you're going to be contracted expanded, but interestingly, you know, you and I,

Mm-hmm.

You know, we've talked about this regularly. moved to the other side of the world, which is a massive phase of, of expansion. But both of us individually shared that even amongst that big contract expansion, we both went through periods of contraction. We had to contract to be safe, even though while we were expanding radically on the outside. So there's that, that interplay between both of those and you could be expanding in one area. It's like, Hey, I'm. oh

Hmm.

jumped into the other side of the world and yet I've got to contract. I've got to, uh, you know, remember we were talking about, Hey, listen, I've just, don't know. just haven't, I've lost my mojo. I don't know what's going on. That was a contracted state that we both went through at one stage, even amongst a huge phase of expansion.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I actually, that's exactly how I've been feeling probably for like the last three years, right? And I'm still in that phase. Like I'm definitely more coming out of it. Like, you know, it's where the first two years was just like, I've wanted to, like my mind says I should, but my body's like, no, I don't think you're ready. Like, because I think I was putting, you're right. I think I was putting so much energy into, especially that first year was just like,

Mm-mm. Yeah.

I'm expanding in so many areas of my life in terms of like newness and, you know, new friends, new rituals, routines, language, food, and like dynamics. It was so much newness that I didn't have enough, I don't know, maybe not enough energy, maybe this is how I'm rationalizing it, not enough energy to expand my business, right? And it just wasn't ready for it. And it's not until the last, you know, last six months or even this year where I feel like

Yep.

Okay, I feel like I'm ready, it's because it's been so contracted and I've actually been reflecting upon this on the weekend, which is like, I've actually been okay. Like, you know, there's parts of where I've been feeling like I should have done more or whatever, but I also realized that I'm going through that phase that I go through every, I don't know, seven, eight years or so, where I just kind of go, what am I doing? What am I doing this for? You know, like, is there something more? And I questioned that. for myself and I go through these phases. I did that when I was my last profession. I did that before. There's always these phases and I'm in that moment where I feel like, okay, I think I need to be in that contracted state, as you said, in certain areas, like in business, to recognize of being able to have a clearer head to where do I actually want to expand? Because sometimes the answer is that I don't want to expand in the same area or doing the same thing again. This is one of the reasons why we left, right? Because I've been in Australia for 20

Hmm.

years is a lovely life that I had met some great people. But I didn't want to expand that any further. I needed to contract right and COVID did that right to make it really small that I can contract to my suburb or my house. That's right. That's the only and then going no I think I'm ready to expand somewhere else. And I think you're absolutely right that there's expression contraction can vary depending on the season your life but also in the areas of your life.

Mm. Hmm.

which allows you to kind of do that, which is sometimes we all think about the finances part of their career, but there's also other aspects that you might be expanding, ah you know, widely and that takes the majority of your focus and energy.

Yeah, because, you know, I always used to be critical of my mom and dad where they took what I considered one of the biggest risks possible flying to the other side of the world with no language and all those, um, challenges ahead of them. And yet to a degree beyond that, they played it safe after that. And I just couldn't reconcile.

Hmm.

You know, there were times where I had an entrepreneurial streak at very young and I'd go, Hey, would you like to do this? No, no, they wouldn't even consider it. And I couldn't, I couldn't make sense of it. And up until about 12, 18 months ago, felt foreign, but then I got it. You know, I understood that, you know, I, I visited my dad's village. Um, I might've, yeah, I think I did mention it, but where I'm standing on the corner of the edge of the dad's Island, looking at what he he would have had to look at and go, there's this big world out there and what a massive leap he took. yet, um, when I did the same, I was in a foreign country with language, which I realized I actually subconsciously did the same thing. You know, it's because this whole expansion took so much energy, um, that I obviously had enough to keep going what I was doing, but I wasn't also in an expansive state. And I do, I do think I'm coming out of it myself too. Like I, I've been expanding in certain areas, but You sometimes you think you're, you're tracking well, and then suddenly have this reality moment. don't know. Holy smoke. That's, that's when you, when you butt into yourself and you realize that that version of yourself, you go, I never used to think that way. Or how did this creep in? It's it's really, it can be insidious. It can be really subtle. It doesn't have to be a slam shut, um, contracted state. It'll be just the walls can gradually be moving in. don't even realize it.

Well, the trouble with that is also too, is that we get caught in doing several things wrong there. One is we compare ourselves to our former self, right? And not accepting the fact that what mattered to us or how we used to do things is no longer the same. And so you almost expect that you, it's almost like, you know, we're, you know, we're in our fifties now and thinking that we're still 20 year olds. Like I see that all the time on the courts, right?

Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, yeah.

We see it all the time. And trust me, I feel like I'm a 20 year old, right? And I do things and thinking, like, I probably shouldn't have done that, right? And that happens a lot. And so I think sometimes we compare ourselves to our former selves and thinking, and then we beat ourselves over it, right? And the other thing too, as well, I think the second mistake that we kind of make during those kind of circumstances is that we force it to happen. Like we force the expansion to happen before it's ready to expand.

Yeah. Yep.

So it's almost like if you're a caterpillar, you're forcing yourself to be a butterfly before you're a butterfly. And what's interesting, right, is that from the metaphor I remember is that, you know, if you help a caterpillar break away from its, what do you call it? Not the nest, but the chrysalis. yeah, so you're feeling like you're, if you see someone struggling and you're like, okay, well, just let me help this little poor little butterfly. And you break away from.

Yeah. The chrysalis. The chrysalis.

it actually will die because what you've done is that the breaking out of the crystal is its strengthening of its wings and expansion of the wings. And you need that resistance for it to kind of grow those wings and to be able to find the strength to fly. But if you take that away, right, which is what we kind of tend to do, sometimes we force it and then we try to force it before it actually happens too early. And we never get a chance to really reap the rewards. And I think this is where, you know, a lot of entrepreneurs who are successful, they struggle with this one thought, right? The thought is, how do I make sure my kids have the same hunger and drive that I did while they're sort of living a life of privilege that I never got a chance to live by giving them everything? And that's a, there's a constant battle of conversations. around how to do that appropriately. And that's a big challenge for a lot of people.

Yeah. Yeah. I've had many conversations with my, kids around that as well too. And you know, years ago, I think it was Kerry Packer in Australia. was one of Australia's first billionaires. He routinely had James, his son go out and walk or work on one of the stations that they owned as a Jackaroo to do the physical work to earn the right. So you didn't necessarily get parachuted into the corner office straight away. You had to work your way up through. And, know, by all reports, he was very hard taskmaster, but I think there's, there's, there's merit in that, you know, there's a lot of merit in that. And what I'm proudest of our kids is that's right. They've had opportunities that I didn't have as a kid. And, but they have thankfully inherited that trait, that ability to actually still be, um, sort of hungry for their own pursuit as opposed to, um, being You know, having a learned helplessness around how they would actually do that, even if they had to. So, you know, there's a, there's a magic about staying small, even if you're large, um, so to speak. And it's not an easy, it's not an easy, it's a tight rope basically. And you, you, might not get it right.

Yeah, from everything, recently I've toying with this, I've been thinking a lot about this idea and I would take to say for you and Bettina as well, I wouldn't say that you're thankful. I don't think it's their genes. uh They sure they have the genes, but they also have the genes from both sides of the family and for generations, not just you and Bettina's. So I would really give yourself some credit and I think it's also the way you raise them.

Hmm. nature and nurture you think? Yep.

Yeah, think so. I just read this, I saw this speech, I don't know who it was, but it was just phenomenal. It was just only like two minutes, and I was just talking about, and he was passionate about this, and it really stuck in my head, which was like, if you think as a parent that you have a choice in terms of like dictating the life and how they're gonna turn out, you're falsely mistaken. He just goes on, right? I'm like, oh, that's... That's not true. And then he goes like, your kids are like a blank canvas, right? And they have your genes, from, you know, for generations of genes. But what they, if you think you, you know, you can influence it, but if you can, if you think you can dictate exactly how they're going to turn out, you're going to have, uh you're going to live very, very, very, you're going to be very disappointed basically. Because what he says is that it's your children's choice to become that way. And of course, what we do as parents and what we try to do is we try to give them the best supporting environment that allows that canvas to be painted, right? And by providing the paintbrush, by providing the canvas itself, providing the environment to paint whatever they're gonna paint, but we can't force them to say, you need to paint this and hope that they're gonna be Leonardo da Vinci or whatever. It's like they have to discover on their own. And I think so. I don't know, I would give credit to, think knowing you, knowing you, Bettina, I think for you guys, it's also like you guys provided the environment and also giving your credit to your kids that they saw that either in you or in others or people you surrounded them with, and that's what attracted to them. And they leverage their genes, their environment, their teachings, you know, the upbringing to become the people that they are. I don't know, that's just my thoughts.

Hmm. No, yeah. No, yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I, I accept the compliment within the spirit is shared and you know, it is really nice to see that. And occasionally the things that it's, a, it's amazing to look at some of the things that you may have struggled with for yourself. You know, part of it is, gee, I hope, I hope they don't inherit that trait or that ability or, but, but, but it's really reaffirming that. Okay, great. They've got, they've got a handle on this. They'll find their own challenges. No question about it. Um, and that's their own path and journey, but you know, it's interesting that you're right about the chrysalis as a really good example is for us, it was always important that you lead your own path, but you find your way to solve the problem yourself. So it's a case of, I'm not going to jump in and say, rescue you. If you get into this situation, you're going to find a way to get out of it. But I've got you covered. I've got your back. You got to work it. You got a problem solve this. um, you know, occasionally our boys would have gotten themselves into a state and I didn't want to jump in. Neither of us did. We actually went, okay, we've got you covered. If things really escalate or get really bad here or if you're really in trouble, but you need to solve this, how are you going to work this out? And they did. And that has allowed them to develop their own confidence in doing that. But it helped because I think both of them had a higher default abundance and expanded state than I did. And it's really interesting that they're not even just their wealth imprint, but their set points were higher because they didn't have the, the level of conditioning that I had that I had to work through. So they're probably seeing 20 years of personal growth that then cultivated.

Hmm. Yeah.

that scenario that then they could paint their own canvas as you mentioned as well.

Well, I think, know, maybe we'll end with this. It's just the thought of round, my parents gave me, uh I knew I rely on my parents if everything all went to crap, right? Like I knew that I, and it was like, they created a safety net, even though they never verbally told me, but I also had this feeling that if anything should ever go bad, I think I got, I think my parents will be there for me, right? So I never relied on it, but I just knew that they were gonna be there. so having, right, right, exactly. And so that the knowledge of the safety net, going back to reduces the constriction that you might have, the bowl constrictor I mentioned, to allow you, like allowed me when I was younger to expand knowing that if I failed, if I went all the way to Australia and I went bankrupt, I can probably come back, fly home.

That's amazing to know that. To know that.

between my legs and say it didn't work out. And just knowing that allowed me to take more risk and take chances. And I think that's what you've done with your kids and that's what we're talking about here. And this is what I was saying is sometimes being there for your kids, not to do it for them, not to like, so don't worry, just give it a chance. No, they need to know that they have to work for it. But if it does get to an extreme state, yes, we'll be there for you. And they have that feeling, but they'll never, but you've taught them, you taught them well enough that

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah, exactly.

they're not gonna rely on it, right? And the problem is when they rely on it, it goes, okay, well, that will cover it, don't worry about it. It's like, am I, right? So it's like, and I think that allows that expansion to occur naturally, because then they'll develop their wings. But if, you know, we've seen, you know, parents or, you know, other kids who rely on parents taking care of everything, it's like, oh, don't worry, my parents will pay for it, here, just use this credit card, da, da, da. They never really learn.

Yeah. Yeah.

right, because it's just given to them. So there's like, it's a fine balance. And that's what we're talking about. Like that balance is what allows someone to fully expand or fully contract based on the story they create creative for themselves. So I hope this has been helpful. have and this is a, I thought it was a wonderful discussion around expansion and contraction on so many different levels. So to summarize, Jim, would you have anything to kind of summarize with?

Mm-mm. oh Yeah, I think a lot of it was, think the, think I liked what you said. Not, think I like, I did like what you said earlier when you said about radically changing it. can be different to me. It was always just act one step greater than how you felt and that's how you transition it. That's what I found as well. So if I'm, if I'm noticing myself getting into a contracted state, if I wasn't feeling abundant in practice, if people would cancel, I would take myself out to lunch at the most expensive restaurant. in town to rewrite the script and the narrative in my mind to say, you got this man. There's nothing to worry about. And invariably I'd come back in the afternoon or the next day and it would shift the energy and everything would be totally different. So it was always a reminder to me that the general always is in control and that is your mind. Yeah.

Hmm. Oh, I love that. That's such a great example. That's a great example. What a great way to end this. And, and just on the spirit of Wabi-Savi, just remember that journey won't be perfect either. So be okay with that. So this is Wabi-Savi, the art of imperfection. We'll see you on the next episode. Take care.

Hmm. Hmm.