Managing Your Highs and Your Lows

Welcome to Wabi Sabi. Jim and I here once again on a beautiful week. He's in Spain. I'm in Portugal and it's a beautiful week here. I don't know about you in Spain.

It has been, it has been, and what a week or so it's been for you, Lawrence. You've had so much going on. It's actually two weeks. So you've got, you've, you've got to bring us up to date with what's been going on in your world. And yeah, anybody's been listening to us for a while would be, would be very excited to hear what's been going for you.

Ugh, it has been... Yeah, so obviously in contrast, like, we actually officially released the podcast this week. And so you guys listening, this will be episode I have no idea what number but you're gonna listen to this about four or five months down the track. So it will be kind of weird. But at the same time, this has been a really exceptional week because yes, Mabee Sawadee podcast went on live. More importantly, I think Jim was hinting at was the, you know, the two significant things. I was, my house was about to close, you know, and, you know, I've been going back and forth with this thing. Everybody's like, Oh, you must be so excited.

Yeah.

No, not really, because I've learned to not be excited about the, you know, the house closing because I've been expecting it six months ago. And every time they say, Oh, it's just two more weeks, just two more weeks. And when you hear that two more weeks, you know, a few more times, you just are like, okay, I know what that two weeks mean. It just means like it's coming later. So, uh, it doesn't actually mean two weeks. So we've been waiting for about six months and we have officially, uh, actually very close to my wife's birthday, it's tomorrow. And we bought this house about a year ago and we moved in literally shy of a year into this house. And so that was huge. And, but here's the thing, we didn't know when the house was gonna close and we knew it was gonna be closed, but it was also a two week holiday for us here, for the kids. And we're like, do we wait? Do we hang on? I'm like, that's not really fair on the kids nor on us that we're holding on to something that may or may not happen for the last six months.

Wow. Hmm.

screw this. We're going to screw this off and let's go book a holiday. So we did. We went away to Italy, a few days in Lake Como, absolutely beautiful, Venice, and then Milan, and then came back. And I felt, honestly, seven days felt like it was two weeks holiday. And it was a sensational, it was beautiful, it was great to be with the family. And I really enjoyed it. And then the day after I booked it, the bank calls and said, we're ready to settle. I'm like, of course we are. Of course we are.

laughs

And I'm like, well, I can now cancel the trip. I'm like, no way. I'm like, you're just going to have to do it after I get back. And the sellers were going to be away. Anyways, it worked out. And after I got back, the day after we got back, we literally moved in. We signed the paperwork. And so we've been moving in for the last few days. And we're still kind of in the process of doing that. So it's been a big week.

It has been a lot. And that's right. A couple of weeks ago when we recorded law a few weeks ago, we recorded losses and said, listen, I can't do it next week because I'm going away. So I got bumped for a better offer, which was like, come on, I don't blame you. I don't, I don't, I don't hold it against you. That was really wonderful. I really love you to talk about. And you hinted at that a little bit is the contrast, you know, like the high highs and the low lows and how you manage expectations and

Yeah, like common. Yep.

We've talked about it before about, you know, basically priming yourself to a specific date that comes and goes and then you set yourself up for disappointment. So how did you keep, because this, you know, I work in finance, I understand the concepts of delayed settlement, but this was outside of expectations. So what did you have to do and who did you need to be in order to keep reestablishing or just maintaining your headspace in the game and staying in the game without going sort of crazy?

Yeah. Yeah, I think, you know, it's interesting because the contrast that my wife and I have had over the years, so just to kind of put in, that's just so that's a background story for those who are just joining us for the very first time. I've been in Portugal for almost a year now. So about 11 months, you know, and in that time, we've moved six times. So that's on average about every two months we're moving. And this is our sixth home that we moved into. And hopefully there'll be the last for a while. And we've been moving and living in out of Airbnbs. which is a very costly exercise, but also just draining and in terms of, you know, space and also moving and constantly lugging luggage around every couple of months or so. And so the expectation when we first arrived was that we were only gonna do that for maybe three to four months. So how did I manage that? I think the mindset required us to do one of two things. One, be bitter, be angry, be frustrated that things weren't going our way. or two, accept that the reality is the reality that it is, and we have to manage our expectations accordingly. Either way, what I'd recognize is that you have the, like the matter is that the house wasn't ready, right? Or whatever the expectation I was expecting wasn't gonna happen. Whether I'd be angry about it or frustrated with it, or whether it'd be at peace with it, it didn't change the fact the house wasn't ready. Like it's not gonna speed it up in any way. And so. I had to come to realization to sit back and just go, well, why be in anger and frustration, you know, constantly, not that I say I was a Zen Buddhist through this whole process, right? But I feel like Karen and I did a really good job in maintaining our poise through the process because we just made a choice not to live in that type of state. And I think that's a choice. I think that's a choice all of us have at any given moment in time. I'm not saying it was easy. I think it's really extremely hard. But I think most of our stresses in our lives are usually due to unmanaged expectations and our ability to kind of cope with it. And I think personally is that whenever we are have these expectations, we can either lower the expectations and maintain but maintain the standard standard or we just live in constant frustration and fear. And I just didn't want to do that.

Hmm.

And so we coped, we adapt. And as chiropractors and as healthcare professionals, one of the things we talk about a lot is how do we adapt our body to the environment that we live in? And that's a choice that I did. So the mindset I had to switch gears towards is like, okay, well, this is what it is. I don't like it, but it's also out of my control. And so there's these three circles I kind of think of in my life. And I might've discussed this before, but the three circles are

Mm-hmm.

One, anything that happens in your life usually falls into one of these three circles. Things that you can control, things you can't control, and things you can influence on, have influence on. And in this matter about the house, I had no control over that. You know, I might have had a little bit of influence on it, might push them harder, but really had no control over it. It was out of my, because a lot of it was weather and supply chain issues and a whole bunch of things. So what can I control? Well, what I could control was my emotion. how I handle it, my expectations, and how I just deal with people in general. And how can I influence? Well, I can influence maybe putting some pressure on, using lawyers or putting pressure on them and ask nicely. Those are things I can have influence on. So I think if you think of life like that in those three buckets, anything that happens to you, put in one of those buckets. Because really, if something falls into the bucket of non-control, then you have no control of the weather.

Yeah.

Like why put any more energy into it? So that's how I kind of think about life.

Hmm. Okay. So it's curious. I'm curious because so you got in and correct me if I'm wrong. Sometimes you'll walk in and there's the outcome. You finally get the outcome. And even with the outcome, there's going to be things that it may not be perfect as well. Right. So you walked into the house, you went 12 months, woohoo, whatever. And wow, everything's exactly that like I said, that was going to be like everything's perfect. And what was it like?

Oh dude, it is definitely not perfect.

Hehehehe

It wasn't perfect at all. Like there are, like I literally, we already had a list, like during final inspection, probably a list of about at least 10 to 15 things that wasn't fixed, corrected or done yet, okay? And once you move in, I literally have a list of at least 15 to 20 things to add to that, like little things, but you don't notice it when you're just observing. You notice it when you kind of go, well, this doesn't move well, like this door is kind of stuck.

Yeah. Yep.

Why is that there? Why is the cupboard bent? Like we literally, and our cupboards don't have handles on them because they didn't have time. They couldn't, the supply chain, they say, you know? And it's like, okay, they said poles to have cleaned the pool. It's freaking full of pine cones and stuff. And then, you know, it's like these little things was really annoying. And this goes to the fact of when, if you're in a service industry, by the way, any product or service industry, you can have the best product or best service.

Yep. Okay. Yep.

But if you've done one thing wrong, like just like small little things, these one small little things on delivery could really ruin the experience. And we moved to, it's a beautiful home. Don't get me wrong. I want to appreciate this home. It's really nice. It's great. It's we love it. But that definitely took the shine. When I first walked in the house, things weren't clean, dust everywhere, stuff, construction stuff left, like cement left in the garage and drawers. You know what I mean? Like you, it's a brand new home. It's like.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

it's frustrating to see and that could ruin the experience of, you know, expecting, it's almost like, can you imagine you bought a brand new car, to put it in the, bought a brand new car, maybe a car, dream car and stuff, and you showed up at the lot, instead of a red bull, like, you know, a red, you know, bow to congratulate you and all that stuff. No, it's just dirty, it's dirt, and it's got mud all over it, and they deliver you the keys, and go, here you go, sir. Here's your keys to your brand new car. That's what it felt like going to this house after a year. And, and so,

Yeah.

Yeah, like I was pretty annoyed with everything and I still kind of just handling that emotion, but I do have to see the other side. I'm like, okay, these things are gonna get fixed. Hope we hope, fingers crossed. But the reality is that I had to sit back over the last couple of days and really ask my wife, it's like, what can we appreciate about this moment? Like, what can we really appreciate about this? Like we're in our house finally, you know, after a year. We're finally in...

Thank you.

our space, we actually finally have a home. Like all of these little things that we can, could be overshadowed by all the negative stuff so easily.

Yeah, you know, it's a really good point that you make there Lawrence, because I guess the essence of our conversation today is going to be around appreciation, gratitude, all those kinds of things. And it's, it's all well and good. And it's very easy when you were the last week when you're on like at Lake Como with your family and looking at the most amazing, some of the most beautiful areas of the world and appreciating the beauty of that. And then it's and it's like, it's wonderful. And it's, it's almost easier. Yet when you are in a scenario that challenges you where things aren't exactly as you expected, that really, you know, basically you're at your wits end, that's actually even more, that's what I found. It's actually even more important to find the points of gratitude in those moments to give you some grounding because otherwise it will spiral you out and just take you down a rabbit hole and a mindset and a narrative that just doesn't serve you. And so that to me is what the contrast that I take out of that.

Absolutely, yeah, you're right. It's so true. Yeah, it's so easy when things are beautiful and everything's going right to find appreciation. But to find appreciation when things are not going right and dark. And that happens every day, right? For most people, I mean, if you really think about it, a lot of times we're chasing after a goal. Most of us have goals and we're actually, and by, in the essence of the word goals, it's something you haven't achieved yet. And so in theoretical, you know, in theoretical talk, I guess.

Yeah.

The reality is that you're not there yet. So which means that you can, like right in this moment, while you're listening to this podcast and watching us, you are somewhat disappointed because you're not, your expectation is that I should have been there. Most of us, we should have been there, but we're not. And so it's how do you handle that situation on a daily basis and dealing with that disappointment with yourself or with inactions that you may not have taken to get to the goals that you have set for yourself? How do you deal with that?

Yeah, look, very, very similarly to that as well, too. I give myself a grace period. If I get frustrated, I honor that. I think for a long time, particularly when I was studying a lot of philosophy and Buddhism, I felt that it was almost not right to feel that feeling. And I'd somehow suppress it. And I'd go, no, but I shouldn't feel angry. And yet, I just hadn't worked out that. that anger frustration was a natural feeling. And so for me, I allowed myself to express it, to blow through me and then just move on. And so that to me was a really important component. And so for me, managing my frustrations, I have to have a physical outlet for that. I find that that works very well for me because I have to burn off all this energy first and then I can get into my head and heart and I can sit in gratitude. But for me, You know how sometimes when people are not in a frustrated, high energy state, they try to direct the thought process for themselves. That works really well. But I think I know myself well enough now to know I've got to go burn some energy. So if I was a workout or go hit something or, or go and try and do Jiu Jitsu or something like that, burn that excess octane for that fuel out of my system to get to a calmer state and then I can go, right, okay, let's reload. That's what works for me.

Hmm. Yeah. You know, there's two really important things that I wanna repeat what you said, I think is really important, just to highlight in summary what you said. I think number one is to accept your feelings. I was like you too. Like I always used to push away because I'm the eternal optimist, right? I'm the person who's always happy. I shouldn't feel negative things. But at the end of the day, you're a human being. You're supposed to feel those anger, frustration moments. And to push away, I think is denying your human experience, a part of your human experience. Like how do you find love without knowing what loss is? And I think that all those human emotions, the anger, the frustrations is the contrast to joy. And I think the joy is greater on the other side. Joy and happiness is greater because the understanding and the pain of fear and anger and all those negative thoughts. And so when you can have those contrasting fields, like I think it's important to feel them. But it's what you do with those feelings. That's what's really important. And like what you said that you kind of did it really fast and I wanna make sure people heard it is that you gave yourself time, but not too much time, but enough time. They know whatever that time is. I'm not gonna say suggest here like it should be 48 hours or 24. It depends on what's going on, but I think it's important to have some sort of timeframe in your, at least in your own mind, depending on the things that going, okay, enough is enough, right?

Yep.

like enough of being a victim and it's like, okay, I allow myself to feel being a victim, it's okay to do that. But there's time when you just gotta go and switch and then move to take some action other than sitting here being a victim. And I remember that happened to me during COVID, during those years, seems like such a long time ago, isn't it? Just those years. And it was this moment when we were in lockdown and man, man, I was struggling. I really struggled. I didn't think I was, I thought I was doing okay, but man, I was battling through it. I don't know what it was, but I really struggled. I think that just the oppression, you know, being told what you had to do and what you couldn't do, like it was brutal. And I didn't realize it took a toll on me until it just started, I just made him aware. It's like, man, I'm not the same person. I'm not showing up for my clients or for my family. I'm feeling anger.

Hmm

I was feeling frustrated and I was like, okay, enough is enough. I remember turning the corner, I'm like enough, enough. That's when I actually did 75 hard. I was like, I need to do something to focus my energy on something else because this is not serving me. And I think that's important, that timeframe.

Yep. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's exactly the same thing. So I did 75 part exactly same thing and 75 part I did it back to back. So I was 150 150 odd days straight. I did and I was fortunate. I remember where we lived back in Australia back in Melbourne. We lived right near Albert Park Lake for anybody who knows that's very Bayside's where they run the Grand Prix. It's a beautiful precinct of Melbourne and

Wow. Wow. Poof.

I was running, I was literally like 500 meters away from Elbe Park Lake and I'd be running around the lake every day. And interestingly, I noted that I had that same sort of thing as you Lawrence, I had this undercurrent of frustration that I was trying to manage and deal with, but I didn't know how and I knew expressing it through exercise was really helpful because even it even influenced the music I was listening to. So I'd be listening to music, I'd be listening to Rage Against the Machine while I'm running around the lake.

Hmm. Yes.

And I've gone, okay, something's not quite right here. I better burn this energy off before I interact with anybody else. So that to me is like, you've got to know yourself. You've got to know who you like. And if you're really snappy, for me, I don't use substances to numb those feelings. And a lot of people do, if they don't have an outlet or a strategy to dissipate that. I've always used exercise and I've always used particularly martial arts as a means of expressing that. Now for a period of time when we couldn't do that, I was suddenly like, what do I do now? So I had to channel that and find meaning in this situation and rewrite the narrative and just try and get control back in self, because I didn't appreciate that either.

Yeah. Well, that's going back to those three buckets, right? It's like, there are things I couldn't control, restrictions, like no matter how much I hated them, it was outside my control. But then I go to, well, what's the things I can control? I can definitely, no one's gonna tell me what to do in terms of my body, in terms of how much I can exercise or go and actually move my body and actually start to exercise and burn off that energy. I'm like, okay, well, that's what I can do. No one can tell me what I can put in my body.

Yeah.

in terms of like food and nutrition. I'm like, okay, that's what I can do. And that's where like the 75 heart got me focused. I'm like, that's what I can control. And I'm gonna focus most of my energy on things I can control. And, you know, the bucket of influence was like, who can I influence? Well, it was my clients, my people, my family. And that's what I can do. I mean, you know, I have no power in politicians to move things and that wasn't my strength. It's what I knew I can focus on my energy in that and move away from the things I couldn't control.

Yep.

because I was putting too much energy on things I couldn't control.

Yeah, and that's exactly the same thing. It's exactly the same thing I did. I'd run around, burn off that energy that wasn't like a toxic energy. And as soon as I dropped straight into gratitude, okay, what am I great? So while I'm panting and I go, I'm grateful for the air in my lungs. I'm grateful for free. I just rewire that, but I had to down regulate that stress response in myself first to then be able to do that. And so I've always, like you've just said with the contrasts. I think I thought that was really quite relevant because it is it's you've got to be able to experience and feel them there to go. Okay, that's what that feels like. That's what it feels like. I choose to go down that road and I choose to go there through these metrics that I find work well for me. And I'm going to keep repeating those.

Yeah, I guess also too, like it's interesting you sort of said, you know, you didn't use any substance and you know, and you use the outlet of exercise. And I think, I wonder, you know, I didn't do either. Like, and it's because I know I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs. And it's like, because I don't do those things already, like it wasn't as easy ready available for me to do that. And I would imagine for people who, you know, like I said, there's nothing wrong with it, but you know, if you do drink, it may have been easy to just go grab, you know, an extra alcohol to drink.

Yep.

to kind of numb that pain or food instead of using the outlet of exercise. We both use exercise. Like I showed up at the gym, even though it was by myself, because you can only allow, I think, two people at a time. And I use the same thing. And I thought not everybody's gonna be using exercise. We're just using it, it just so happens that Jim and I both have exercise as one of our thing to kind of create that outlet for ourselves. And so I think it's important to find what that is for you. You know, for some people it might be painting. Some people it might be meditation. Some people it might be, you know, any, like singing a song or just, you know, creating songs or playing guitar, playing a piano. I think whatever outlet it is, I think it's good to know that now when things are not stressful, so that when you are stressful, when you are in a stressful situation, you actually have an outlet that you already thought through. Right? Don't wait until you're in the moment of stress to then make a decision because you already just imagine you're already stressed.

Yeah.

making the best decision probably isn't the right that would be the right time. I think it's better to make that those outlets known what those outlets are prior to being stressed. And then so when when the stress levels are high, then you already have your outlets and options ready available.

Yeah, you know, a really great bit of advice that I had years ago was you can't set your happiness to everything being perfect because at any one time things will be up, down, they'll be oscillating and if you basically tag your happiness to the volatility, and I learned that a lot in practice particularly because there were some weeks that were up weeks, down weeks and if you sort of associated your self-esteem, your happiness, your worthiness your joy to the roller coaster of practice or business or anything, then that's going to take you on a basically roller coaster ride to mental insanity. So I had to find a way of actually being in control of my emotions and regulating my emotions irrespective of what was going on externally. And that was a really big important lesson and distinction for me. Yeah.

I think everybody does that. A lot of my clients do it. And it's hard. I'm guilty of it as well in the past for sure. And I probably am. And it's amazing how many people fall into that trap. We are, our measurement of happiness is based on the value that whatever number you have in your head of what you think you should be doing, or how much money you're making and all that stuff. And it's amazing. And we lose sight when we think about that, a lose sight and appreciation of what.

We all have been once, we all have been.

is happening right now in the moment. And one of the things I actually, so I did, I shared a video today around when I was in my coma. I talked about how, I was talking about like how, you know, when I was, when I first moved to Australia, you know, all these people was like, oh, where are you from? And I'm like, I'm from Canada. And they're all like, wow, I love Canada. And I'm like, it's Canada, you know? Whatever, like, what are you talking about? I'm in Australia. Like.

Yeah, I saw that one was great. Eh.

You live here. And then once I moved in Australia, and I tell people back home, like, oh, you moved to Australia. I'm like, oh my god, I would love to go to Australia. And it's so funny. I'm like, you can come any time. Just buy a plane ticket. And then when I, so the finishing part was when I was in Lake Como. I looked at that, right? And I'm sure you would too. And you go, oh my god, Lake Como. This is like a dream come true. It's so gorgeous and beautiful. And I'm in here in Europe and blah, blah, blah, and immediately. And... It's so funny, like I, you know, when we tell other parents, you know, other people who lived here for a while, I'm like, oh, where are you going for holidays? And they're like, oh, I'm going to Switzerland to go skiing or I'm going to Italy. I'm just going to Paris. And it's like for an Australian and a Canadian or, you know, as an American, that is so foreign to us, right? You're like, like for us to go to Paris, that's a one month trip, right? Or like, that's like a saving to get there. That's a lifetime dream.

Yeah. Yeah.

and to like go to Lake Como and all this place. Those are like a lifetime. But for European, it's like, well, it's like going to Bali. I guess, you know what I mean? And it's that contrast. It's like, we always try to think it's so much better over there on that side. And we never really appreciate the things I have. Like as a Canadian, I never appreciated Canada. And as an Australian, I don't, you know, at some point I was appreciated in Australia, but I definitely over time after being 20 years, I didn't appreciate being in Australia.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. It's a really good point. It's a really good point you raise, Lawrence, because I would have, I'd love to talk to the ice cream vendor in Lake Como who is working 16 hour days and people go, Oh, you must love living here. You're talking about, this is just what I'm so used to. So it's a contract. And it was used to happen to me because I always wanted to live by the beach and always wanted to live, you know, um, on, on the surf coast, on the sunshine coast in Australia or parts of the Mediterranean where it's

Yeah.

beautiful and beachy and I remember saying every time we'd holiday I look this is where I want to be and my wife would say yeah but if you're still in work mode you're not actually going to appreciate this as much as you think you do so I really thought about that so all our holidays I'll always make sure we would go somewhere on a beach right beachfront where I could go in there and spend three hours a day get it out of my system and really appreciate it for the appreciation sake and I just found that I've got so much more beach time

Hmm. Yeah. Yep.

than when I lived in Melbourne right on the beach and I was there every day, I probably didn't use it as much as when I had to go out on holidays to really make an intention to enjoy it.

Well, it's funny because when we went to Venice, right, and I was walking in the streets and I said, I don't know what came over me, I just sort of said to my son, I turned to him like, oh, can you imagine if you just grew up here? Like if you were a kid, if you were born here, like by some chance you grew up in Venice. Like this is not a tourist place where you actually visited. No, this is the place where you as a kid grew up as a baby and grew up here. I wonder what that would be like. He's, what do you mean that? I go like, think about it, it's not like. playgrounds and grass and stuff. Like, what if you grew up here? Like, what would life, would be so different than the life you lived so far? And he goes, yeah, I guess so. It's funny, we actually did a private tour. We hired a private tour and she took us around for a couple hours seeing some parts of Venice because it's not like someone's gonna describe something to me so I know I'm just looking at things. And funny enough, she's born in Venice. She's a Venetian. And she was describing how, you know, life was like for her, you know, running around as a kid and... going to a grandmother's house and how they used to deliver milk and they would just pull up the milk from the bottle. And it's like, oh, there you go. Because we as tourists forget, right? People live there. It's not just like a destination. It is a place where people grew up in and there's a lot of Indonesians. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not like Disney. It's not Disneyland where, you know, like that's the perception sometimes you have is like, wow, this is this is awesome. This is great. And everybody's a character in my story of enjoyment.

Exactly. And it's so funny. That's a great analogy. Because the coma was the same thing. I was in a hotel and I was walked down the street to the local grocery store to pick up some stuff. I'm like, there's an apartment right there. Like there's a house right there with kids toys and a kid's thing. And they're just looking over like, oh, my. I'm like, to us, it's like, oh, my God, you grew up here. We can't. We spend thousands of dollars. They come here to visit like once and they live here right there. But like you said, if you ask them to be like, this is normal. Like this is what we do.

That's right. That's what we do. That's what we do. Yeah, and there's probably these kids are inside looking at it and go, mom, dad, there's more of these visitors just staring at us all, you know, like, but it's, it's normalization, it's what feels normal to you. You know, Lawrence, I was thinking about, just as you were talking about that, you know, John DiMartini, obviously a professional colleague of ours, always talked about the support and challenge in those situations and scenarios. And anytime that you look at

Alright. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

at your life situation and you feel like there's great support or great challenge, I should say, where things are challenging and difficult, what helps you equilibrate that or even that out is to look for areas of your world where you're getting support. So we're artificially sometimes addicted to just good emotions and good feelings and what not only good things, not realizing that that's not the universe and life out of balance. It doesn't work that way. There's ups and downs. There's cycles. Day there is night for every cold there is heat. And that's just the normal cycle of the universe and life. And that's the scenario. And when we can embrace all parts of that and appreciate, okay, this is a challenging time and I will endure, I will find a way through this. However, to balance this out, there's all these great things that are happening. I think it just helps you to find balance and harmony and sense in what's going on.

And I think it's harder in this day and age as well, because when you are in, to say, you know, you are in a very stressful situation, things are not going right, you may be in a middle of a breakup or, you know, whatever's going on in your life, you, when you look out into the world, and I mean the social media world, you see everybody being happy and everybody posting their best version of themselves, it almost makes it worse, right? It's almost like, I must be the only one going through this and everybody's enjoying themselves. And it creates this neck, like this really bad loop in contrast.

Hmm.

And so I think it's important for us to kind of, you know, recognize the world that we live in and appreciate that it's not, the story that you see or feel isn't worse than it actually is. I think it's important to recognize the feeling that you're having, but don't make it worse than it is. You know, and I think that's important.

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. I was at a jujitsu training a couple of weeks ago. And what's amazing about living in a European city like that is you have international visitors and drop-ins from all over the place. You probably have that same thing in your box as well. And so we had this guy come in from Finland and he was training. It was about the day after or a day before. So it was a day after it got released that Finland was the happiest place in the world for about the fourth year in a row. And I, and I, quoted this bit of statistics to him and he had a laugh. He goes, really? He goes, am I the only one who's not feeling that? You know, that I'm not, I'm like, I just feel so like, you know, how come everybody's happy and not me? So it was, it was this artificial construct that everybody's happy and everybody's living in Neverland and I'm the only one who's actually not finding the peace and joy and harmony. So that's what I was thinking about when you were talking about other people who are going through challenges thinking it's only you.

La la land. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's so funny. And it's so one of those things in regards to it. Like we've been talking about appreciation is like finding the appreciation in the joy of life, right? And to finish off that part, you know, about Canada, Australia and Europe and stuff, it's like, we often don't find the success or don't appreciate what we actually have, you know, and because we're always searching for something else, we're always searching further away from

Hmm.

rather than actually finding the appreciation. I think that's what you were mentioning about, like finding the appreciation of what you have right in this moment. And to be honest with you, going back to my trip, I, for the first, not the first time, but it really, really hit home for me. And I don't know what it was, but I felt really compelled during this week. I just observed my kids and my family. And it's like the first time in a long time where I just, I didn't do any work. Like I really just didn't even bring my workout clothes. I didn't work out at all. And I just wanted to just spend time with them. And it was that, and I just saw them play with each other in the train and the plane and just traveling together and just having fun. And it really hit me, you know, I did wrote a post about this was like, you know, there's a concept by Jim Shields, a friend of mine who said, you know, 18 summers. And it really hit me at that moment. It's like, man, I don't have a lot of time. You know, I don't have a lot of time. I mean, I know there's more than that, but it's like, but it really kind of made me dial down whatever stress I had to really focus on this moment and be present with my kids, be present with my family and just enjoy the moment. And I think that's one of the reasons why the week felt like two weeks. It was just like seeing the laughter and the pictures that we had because those are going to be burned in our memories for a very long time.

Yeah. Yeah, well, that was the appreciation of the magical moments and they are magical moments, man. When I look back now, I have references and messages and sorry, messages, I should say, pictures in my mind of experiences that we've had that no one can ever take away from me. And they were reinforced by quality time. So I get that and I get that why that's really important. And that's appreciating those moments. You know, it can be, like you said, in Lake Como, it could be

Hmm.

in your backyard, pitch in a tent with your kid, and just having a conversation about what's going on for them, or just a conversation with a friend over a cup of coffee, and just appreciating those magical moments. And I think it's actually interesting. Like I'd love to take that same one and tell you a little bit about why today's a significant day for me as well too, Lawrence, because it's along that theme, right? So today is a day...

Hmm. Yeah, please do.

It's a birthday of a friend of mine who passed away. And the backstory to this is really right in this area of appreciating every moment, every magical moment, because you don't know how long they're there for. And so it's a story of Adam and, you know, I do get emotional about this, but Adam was a fantastic guy who I trained Jiu-Jitsu with. And ever since I knew... met Adam, this is going back 10, 12 years, he always is a guy who had a vision. You know, he was a strong and corporate, but he also had this other part of himself. You know, he, he, he trained in martial arts, but he had this social conscience and wanted to bring a jujitsu school and run his own school and helped kids get on track with nutrition and get them on track with life. You know, so really kind of harnessing the power of connection, good food, martial arts turning life on for kids. And he was instrumental in guiding a whole lot of young men and women back on track. You know, he was that solid mentor kind of a person. And so he was in Melbourne, trained with Melbourne for many, many years. And then he moved up to Brisbane to be closer to his family. And he continued on the chapter of our school. All right, so at that time there was only. Oh gosh, there was only two schools, two, three schools in Australia. And he was about to set his, his, um, his school up and he had a grand opening. And let's say it's Saturday, it's on a Saturday. So on Friday, on Saturday, there was going to be this big unraveling. Get, he's getting his accreditation. He was getting upgraded. So he's actually up ranked and it was a massive, massive moment. And on Friday. I was due to fly up early Saturday morning and then be there for the ceremony. Friday night, his best friend, who was also a Jiu Jitsu guy as well, flew up and they were training. And they were talking just before they got off the mat. They were like, Adam, I can't believe this has happened. And Adam's like, yeah, I know all this vision. This is like 15 years in the moment. I've just, it was all going to happen. And they went in and trained on the mat. They rolled, they rolled pretty hard and literally Adam got off after they finished the roll, the session, Adam finished the session, got up and dropped dead on the mat. He literally passed out, you know, and in front of his whole school. And the, the tragic part about that is he's best mate at the time, Shane. He was, he was, um, he tried to resuscitate him.

Oh my god.

And he couldn't and Shane tormented himself for many, many years. And you know, a couple of years ago, he, he, he took his own life. He just could not deal with the impact of that. And that story is a really tragic one. And why is relevant today is because it would have been Adam's birthday today. And so the people who know him, know him and hold, you know, a light in his honor. But it really highlighted to me, you know, the day after.

Cheers.

this happened was when everything was going to be unveiled. The school, his grading, what he dreamed of and he just didn't get to see it. It was a day off. So it was the most, when I flew up, I got to the set, it was the most somber day you can ever possibly imagine. And it really shifted a lot of my mindset to finding the joy in all moments, even if they're tough, because the end point

Hmm.

Yes, it may have there, but that endpoint might be one day beyond the day you expire and you never actually get to physically see that. So I really rewired my joy and happiness around the process as much as possible as opposed to the outcome. And because the outcome sometimes when you're trying to do big things and when you're trying to do legacy stuff, you may never get to see the impact of what it is that you're doing.

Hmm.

You plant the tree and it's going to take 50 years to grow. You may not be there, but you've got to find the joy in that process on the day to day, otherwise you'll never fulfill yourself.

Yeah, that's a powerful story and tragic as well at the same time. But yet, like, we want to be able to take, I don't know about you, but anytime I hear a story like that, and especially when someone I know, or, you know, like in this case, you know, I take these moments to... And the question is, why does it take moments like that to really kind of shake us up? Right?

Yeah.

because life moves on so quickly. And I don't know, like for me, definitely those moments are the ones that really kind of take, I put myself in pause to find reflection. And the reason why I do that is because it's to honor the person, right? Not to honor a person because I go, because they gave us a gift. As tragic as it is, that thing that happened to them,

Yeah. Yeah.

is a moment for me to reflect upon my life so that I can improve and get better. And I wanna honor that. And I really cherish those moments to make sure I go, okay, let's find those appreciation. And I love the fact that you just said about the process because we're never gonna find, we're never gonna see the outcomes of what we do. And if you're lucky, yeah, sure, we get to see some outcomes and they're awesome. They're brilliant. And sometimes it's just, unfortunately, it's well beyond your ability and length of time. And I don't know, I'm gonna shift gears here a little bit for you, but. That story, your friend, and what did you, like for you, you obviously took the way from the process and focusing on that, but how has that shaped you in terms of how you now interact with life?

Mm. Oh, massively, massively. In terms of... Like if I didn't get to see tomorrow, I think that I don't want to leave anything unsaid. I don't want to leave things so open-ended that, you know, someone goes or I go and there's the torment, like... The part that I really take out of it was the incompletions for Shane, the incompletions that that created for him where he just couldn't, he felt powerless, all those things. So to me, it's shaped me in a lot of ways in that if I stop putting off things, the one day types of situations that one day becomes one week, one month, one year, two never happens. And so to me, I really started bringing experiences forward to appreciate them earlier. And, you know, I always had a delayed gratification element. I could do that. I could discipline myself to it. I got to the point where I went, okay, that's good up until the point where it doesn't serve you anymore. So I started to appreciate things more in the moment. So that was how it shaped it. I think for me, it also made me acutely aware of my own mortality. And, and so, you know, I, I, I take my heart rate variability measurements all the time, every day. And if there's days where I get a reading that says, Hey, listen, you need to just back the truck up a little bit. I actually listened to that. So I've got to, I've had to really evaluate just my whole just bullet a gate approach and listen more to life. So that's, that's in there. I've slowed down in certain things and I've gone, okay, look, you can let go and you can surrender the stress or the emotion or the panicked up because it really doesn't matter, really. And also just to appreciate things sooner rather than later. They're probably the big three things that I can tangibly relate back to that experience, which is relevant to what we're talking about today.

Hmm. Yeah, powerful. I'm gonna ask you a weird question. If tomorrow is the last day for you, would you be okay?

different. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. I actually would. And I'll tell you why, because...

Okay, all right, so yeah.

Oh, you know, I've had the gift of... seeing my kids grow up. I had the gift of knowing what it's like to feel unconditional love. So those parts are there. And I also went for it when the opportunity came knocking on my door. And so there's no part of me now, for a long time, I probably thought about, gee, wouldn't it be great if Wouldn't I love to do that? And right now I'm actually doing what I want to be doing. It's not, it might not be exactly at the stage where I, I know where it's going, but no, I don't, I don't have the regret. I can't look back now and go, I wish I had moved to an opportunity, the outside of the world if it came, I wanted to explore. I look at this and go, okay, within reason, I'm doing things that I want to do. And while I want to grow and still be around for a long time to contribute. Yeah, I don't have the incompletions that I would have, say, even two years ago.

Yeah, interesting. And the reason why I asked that.

That's a good, that's look, that that's a powerful question. Let me reflect that back and ask you, Lawrence, same sort of thing. So how, how would you, no, to deflect, I, yeah, how, how, how would you answer that?

No, I'm going to deflect. I'm going to deflect. No, no, I'm not just joking. I'm joking. I'll answer. I'll answer. Let me ask you. I'll be fine. I'm good with that. And the reason why I asked the question was because I want to talk about why, because I expected that from you. And I knew my answer. Now, of course, do I want to live until I'm 100? Absolutely. Would I be disappointed that I... Yeah, of course. Especially, you know, what you just sort of said. You know, my kids are still young, you know, 14 and 12, and they still got a lot of life left. And I wish I could, you know, I would, it would be very disappointing not to be able to see some of that, right? And so, however, I'm good. I would be good. And the thing that I wanna talk about is, why would we say that? Like, how, I wanna talk about what got us, what decisions have we made, or what mindset that we have to have.

Yeah.

for both of us to answer that question that way. Right, because the reality is here, is like these, like none of us wanna die. But the one truth that we all know is that we're all gonna die. And so I think, and I'll start first and maybe you can add onto it, I think one of the reasons why we are able to say that right now.

That's right.

At least I feel like it's the right thing. It's not the right thing to say. I do feel it. That's my honest answer. I'm not just making it up for the podcast or anything. The reason I can feel that is because... I made choices. so that I can have as little regret as much as possible. Now, do I have regrets? Of course. Do I wish to achieve more? Absolutely. Do I have things I'm striving for like you do? Yeah, absolutely. I'm not there yet. I don't think that will ever end, but have I made good enough choices so far that I'm happy with? And it's minimizing that regret and not that I'm happy with. I think that that's what would be my answer to why I would answer that way. And I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

Along the same lines, along the same lines, you know, like I think that. You know, I loved my career in health care for a long time. I had the blessing like you to have such a huge impact on the health and well-being of our community. And that was I never took it for granted. There was also a part of me that knew there were other elements of myself. Like I've I've I've always admired someone who went. I'm the one thing I'm going to do in my life and that's all. And I've always admired that because, and I know I've had this discussion with many people and people go, when you have that single-minded focus, it helps you do incredible things, and I agree. However, I appreciate it, there are different parts of me that I needed nurturing and fulfilling, and the entrepreneurial business side of it has always been running parallel. And to me, for me to be doing what I'm doing.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

and having the freedom and the flexibility to live my life the way that I have to really go for it. That I didn't realize how important that was until you've just asked me that, you know. So there would have been, had you asked me that question while I was back in Australia, there were parts that I just wasn't expressing, even if it's not about end point, have you achieved the outcome. But it's like, how many did you, did you back yourself? Did you listen to that in a voice that said, You know, this is great. However, there's another part of you that you're not nurturing. It could be a creative element. It could be the corporate person who suddenly decides I wanna start a nursery or those kinds of things. And to me, I've been true to myself. And so that's why I feel I could answer that question. There's so much things that I've still wanna do and achieve and that I'm done, but at least I feel like I'm congruent with who I am, what I stand for and what's important to me. And where that goes, you know, sometimes that's out of my control, but I'll try and focus and influence what I can as much as I can for as long as I can.

Yeah. Yeah, agreed. And I think one of the things that, oh, for me was impact. And I think the impacts for you too, as well as that I be okay to leave now, not that I want to, but I'll be okay with it because I know I've done enough. Could I do more? Yeah, but I've done enough to make a difference in someone's life. I'm not talking like, I don't know, one person, I know at least one person that has been impacted. changed their life because I existed. And I'm good with that. And I don't know if I told this story. I don't think, yeah, I don't think the story came true. I got an email, maybe two weeks ago. And the email was, hey, Lawrence, I'm not sure you remember me, but I saw you as a patient when I was 17 years old. This is 10 years ago. And, oh, actually, yeah, about 10 years ago. And just one of the...

Huh.

And he just gives me his life story. You know, he was a soccer player and actually went back to the UK to go play soccer. And, but then his life spiraled out. I think his girlfriend left him after two days and he, you know, went to, you know, just binge drinking and eating and just grew fat and, you know, just living like just a terrible life and, and he goes, but he always remembered, you know, my, like what I said to him. when he, when I was adjusting him, you know, the confidence, the mindset and turn things around, nutrition and all that stuff. And he goes, okay. Then he goes, then he switched that around and took it upon himself. And then like, over the next 10 years, he got the dream job. We got the, you know, got his life back and back on track, his health back on track and you know, he's got to this point. He's like, I think he's about 28 now. I've achieved everything I wanted. but I'm not happy. What do I do? And so I thought I emailed you and asked you. And it's like, I was like, well, I haven't actually had the chance to have a call with him yet, because he's working in the mines. And so I'm gonna have a chat with him hopefully in a couple of weeks time. And, but to me, I was like, oh my God, right? Like that is one of the greatest gifts I've had. Like, you know, I've had many of those, you know, moments where, you know, patients or people come to you and say something to you and go, like, you changed my life.

Yeah. Yep.

you know, in some way. And I mean, I would have never known, you talk about like things you just wouldn't know, like the impact you would have, that's one of them. And that's one of like, I don't know, you know, all the other people that, you know, that would never say anything. And I think since we're talking about appreciation here, this is just a good reminder, like it had an impact on me. So his email had an impact on me to go, oh, I am doing something right, or did something right, you know, in my life. And this is 10 years ago, but still like, it's like I'm on the right path.

Yep.

And it's a good reminder, right? Because answers would forget that the things that we do every day recording this podcast, it might be someone who listening to this and go, man, that episode, right? That changed me, you know? And there's many of those types of stories and it's gonna happen. And I think it's important to remind people to go, if there's a significant person in your life that had made an impact in your life, take the moment maybe just to send them an email, write a letter, make a phone call. which is pure intention, just saying, thank you. I did that. Actually, sorry to make this story a lot longer, a different story, but I, I can take whatever time I want. There was a moment when I was in grade eight, I was a B student at that time. I was really good at math, but I was terrible at everything else. The only A's I ever got from grade four when I moved back from Hong Kong to Canada.

That's right. Hey, it's your podcast. You go.

From grade four to grade seven, all the A's I got was the three A's in math, and everything else was a B and a C. In grade eight, there was a teacher, her name is Mrs. Antown. And for whatever reason, I don't know if she did this on purpose or whatever, but I started getting A's in a whole bunch of things. At that moment, I was probably what 18, I was about 13 maybe grade eight. So about 13, yeah, about 13 years old. Those A's that she gave me gave me all the confidence in the world for some reason at that age and going, I am smart. I can do this. And then went into high school from grade nine onwards. I've had straight A's ever since through university to high school, to university and then Chiropractic college. And it was because I had a story I told myself, but it stemmed from her, her confidence in me. She saw something in me. And I remember, and this is like, I did this maybe five years ago or something. So this is going back, I don't know, 25 years maybe, like, you know, later, 30 years later. Yeah, 30 years later, I got my dad to find out if I can, if he can track her email down.

Hmm.

And sure enough, I got her email and I actually sent her an email and tell her that story. And I actually got on the phone call with her too, as well on Skype and on zoom or whatever it was and, and just reflected my, my thank and appreciation. And, um, yeah, she remembered me and she just talked about, you know, she became a principal and all, so on and so forth. It was just really interesting. Cause like, so that's my story is telling, please take that moment. It is such a powerful.

That's beautiful

not just for yourself, but it's such a powerful thing for the other person on the other side. No matter how long ago it was, I would imagine she would be appreciative of that knowing that she made a difference, at least one student's like, I mean, my career, my life, it's not the only thing, right? But it's definitely one of the trajectory points that happened in my life that has shifted for me.

Yeah, I love that. I love that because it highlights not only the appreciation of self, but appreciating other people and the gift they gave you sometimes. And gosh, that's probably a podcast episode in itself of, of, you know, the, the messengers and the angels that they come at the right time that whisper and give you that support and believe in you greater than your feeling in yourself at that time. And that's just enough to elevate you to believe, you know, I think any time that I see a story along those lines where someone triumphs over adversity and triumphs despite everything externally, not even supporting that even being a possible but just one person believing in them, you know, and being that's the difference that makes a difference and being grateful for those type of people in our world is special and wonderful. And I love the fact that you were able to give the gift back to this teacher to go, you know. Thank you, I really appreciate the end. You know, this is the outcome of everything that you invested in your students. Thank you. And you know, it's a pain to fall with, that's beautiful.

Yeah, and I would really encourage anybody listening, like if this speaks to you in some way, I love you to do it. I love to hear, like, it is not really to get a response. It's really more for you to just put more love and thank you back into the gratitude, into the universe, and provide that forward, because I think it can shift someone's life. I mean, I know that how much that email or those type of emails or letters come to me, and... what that means to me. I've kept a lot of those letters from my patients. I actually found them when I moved, you know, and it's like, oh crap, like, man, it just, it shifts you, right? It moves you, like, man, you forget about that. And those are the only ones who actually said thank you, right? Those are the ones who actually mentioned something. And I know there's other ones that just haven't had the opportunity or the time. And, but yeah, so I would definitely encourage you to, you know, if this speaks to you as an audience, please, you know, say thank you to someone.

same. Yeah.

that you feel appreciated. It could be your parents, it could be an uncle, it could be an aunt, or a grandfather, grandmother, or whoever, I think it would change their life. It would add to their life at least.

Yeah, you know, that's, it's so true. It's beautiful to receive that. Lawrence, I'm just going to finish up by saying that when I finished up in practice, um, my wonderful assistant and PA coordinated a project for everybody who wanted to, to write a note to me, to thank me for, you know, um, being part of their world and their, their life and their family's life over many years to over 20 odd years. And she, it was this huge book she bound, she bound it up for me. And my last day of practice, I'm reading through this. I'm just bursting into tears where I'm just reminded back of the memories and the, and the love and the appreciation people have for what we expressed and did. Out of wanting to help and serve and how much value and, and gratitude they had for that, so to actually see it, to receive it, it's a beautiful gift. And.

Hmm.

carrying on from what you said with your teacher, it'd be a wonderful thing to receive if you feel that there's someone like that who's really significantly played a big role in your life as well.

Well, on that note, you know, this podcast about appreciation, we, Jim and I both appreciate all you listeners, you know, listening to this and sharing this podcast with everyone. I know that we wouldn't be here unless, you know, someone there is listening on the other end of it and are finding value of it. If it does, if this speaks to you, please, you know, share this with others and comment and you know, like and share YouTube, Spotify, wherever you hear or see these podcasts, please continue onwards because it does. little comments here and there encourages us to continue doing what we do And it reminds us that this is important work. So until next time we'll see you next time on the wabi-sabi podcast