Extend your Network

I will welcome the wabi savvy and this is session number three hey jim how's your week man house how's everything how's life in spain.

Hello everybody. I've had a great week, great week. Why don't you might've seen yesterday, our dog arrived from Australia, Australia. So thank you, thank you. It was tears in motion. There's a lot of tail wagging and that was just me. That wasn't even the dog, right? So I was super excited. We spent like six hours, six and a half hours at the airport just doing the paperwork, right? So it's six and a half hours, you know, cause you've got to go from this place to that place.

Yes, so happy, so excited for you. Six and a half hours.

you know, like it's just there's no efficiency. So it just blew my whole schedule.

Hey Jim, why was that on not on Facebook? Why was that on the post, right? Ha ha ha.

I just want to, you know, it would have downgraded the whole story if I said, hey, I spent six and a half hours at the airport, just going from one terminal to the other, just getting people to stamp pieces of paper. So that was.

Well, you know, okay, so I want, I want to like, before we continue on this podcast, I want to sort of state the fact, like one of the most important things we always hear about on Facebook posts, Instagram posts and stuff, like the life that you see is a projection of the best highlights of anybody's life at any given moment in time. And like in this podcast, we're going to highlight all the, all the other stuff that you never see behind the scenes because we have time to actually digest that. So like, I think like that's important. That's why I mentioned about the six hour thing, because that is not uncommon when it comes to European being in Europe.

care. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

six hours, we just had a friend, well, a colleague who just moved here to Portugal, you know, that, you know, people, I don't want to say any names just just in case, but he's, he just called me up. Like he arrived yesterday and he's like, Hey, my dogs arrived. They use my number just in case the contact. And he's like, it's like, it's two hours now. They landed two hours ago and we're just getting a bit worried. I'm like, dude, two hours, the dogs probably just barely out of the, like the cargo area. Like you got to wait.

Nope. Yep. Yep. Yep.

hours and don't don't stress you know so yeah it's amazing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was it. So that was six hours after they told us to go, don't even bother coming at, so if the arrival time was that, we came two hours later, as they said, and then we still had six hours after that. So, yeah, yeah, pretty much, pretty much. That's the go. But listen, on weeks, anybody who follows Lawrence on socials knows that he's actually, his unofficial role

Oh wow. Oh. Oh, that's because you had to add the siesta in there.

of introductions for everybody who moves to Portugal. How's that been? You've had more dinners out, you said last time, than how long? You know, it's just been phenomenal.

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Dude, like Karen was saying, like you should just post up all the pictures, like, you know, of the people that I had dinner with over the last sort of six, seven weeks, and then just post them, and like, this has been like, you know, my last eight months. Seriously, honestly, no joke. I had at least one visitor that I know, like someone, you know, that I know, and I've had dinner with every single week for the last six, seven weeks in a row, one a week. And I still seriously have at least three more to go, right? before even up to the day of the event, pretty much. Like, you know, the event that's coming up that I'm having in Portugal. And so like that will be like 10 weeks in a row, you know? Like where I'm at least one person. And these are a mixture of people are gonna ask like, so, you know, where they come from? Well, like they're fellow chiropractor friends, they're, you know, they're people from Australia, they're friends, like, you know, friends, friends. And then there's people that I've never met before, other than on Facebook, you know? Like they just reach out and go, hey, Lawrence, you know, I hear you in Portugal.

Yep. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

you know, blah blah blah. So I literally met two people in the last two days that I've never met in person and I met them here in Portugal which is so strange.

Isn't that amazing? Isn't that amazing? Actually, this is a beautiful little segue into what we wanna talk about today, right? I was just paying out on you there in terms of the whole role, but what you've just highlighted exceptionally well is, and really how we came to this conversation was, I was just saying to you just before we started recording, we were meant to record tomorrow, and we've moved it to a day earlier because I've got a meet and greet with a group of lawyers, bankers,

Yep. Mm. Yep.

tomorrow. And that, you know, ordinarily that sounds like a barrel of laughs, that one, but they're really people that are a community that I want to get connected with. And it's amazing where I didn't know these people, but they were really helpful and instrumental in helping us get to Spain. And I remember reaching out to them at the time and saying, listen, when I get to Spain, in some way, shape or form, I'd really like to collaborate with you. I want to do some work with

Thanks for watching! Yeah.

a professional connection and relationship, and I'm going to a meet and greet tomorrow. And really that was the genesis. Yeah, it was a genesis because they work with the ideal clients that I work with. And so I looked at that and went, okay, this is an environment, this is a group that it'd be great for me to collaborate with, to work with, to get to know, to associate with, because they service and support the people that I do as well, but in a different capacity.

That's exciting. Ahem. Hmph. Yeah. You know, what highlights though Jim, like what highlights the difference I think, I think that it's really important. So we'll get into the nitty gritty in terms of what you're doing, but I think it requires a specific mindset around, and an approach, right? A mindset and an approach and a philosophy maybe to do what you just are doing tomorrow, right? And I think that the mindset is that, you know, you and I both moved to a brand new country, which, you know,

So that's what I throw to him. Yep. Mm-hmm.

in Spain, like I knew like zero people here, right?

I think one, one that I knew, so I had one on you. Right? That's it.

Right. Right. So like, we kind of move into a new country with no not knowing a single soul, like one or one or two people. Yeah, I knew like I know one person here. I actually knew two people, but one left like a week after I got her. Yeah, I thought it zero. I just reminded me though. It just reminded me. And then so so it's like a very small group. But yet, right yet, like you, it's in order to actually go well, moving into this new country, like you can either do one or two things, right? One, you go, well, I

Hmm. You're a liar, liar, liar. You said zero, now you're at two. So you...

Or just let people come to me and we'll figure this out. Or you have to be proactive and actually do the work to actually put yourself out there because no one's actually coming to rescue you or coming to make sure you feel welcome. And that's exactly the mindset you did. You are being proactive to do the thing that needs to be done so that you put yourself in situations to be surrounded by, whether it be friends network, whether it be professional network or just a network in itself to help you establish yourself even further as a expert

Yep. Yeah. See you later.

as a person who's in need or whatever. You're presenting yourself where people can come to you for certain things.

Yeah, 100%. And this is really relevant. I think there's always going to be a business land in terms of what we talk about because we support people in business. But there's also life principles in there as well, too. I guess it's a little bit of that. And this isn't something that I naturally do. I have to discipline myself to it. But it's a little bit of the Jim Carrey, yes, man, where invitations come. And I've disciplined myself to go, yes, before I go, no, want to, it's like, well, what would happen if you said yes? Right? And so that's how it started. And I remember distinctly, like, I know even before our move and your move, Lawrence, we've both lived in different areas. Right? I've lived in different parts of Australia. I've moved around rural and city. And I'll never forget that when I moved to a country town called Dubbo in New South Wales, about 500 kilometers west of Sydney, we didn't know a soul either.

Hmm. Hmm

there and day one, someone who came in, just I found that the community embraces you if you get involved with them. And so I, day one, I got in there and someone asked me a question. I said, yeah, I've been playing cricket. And I said, they said, well, would you like to come to meet our cricket team? And I was, I hadn't packed everything, but I just went, yeah, okay, I'll be there tomorrow. And I turned up tomorrow, the next day, I started playing, I played that Saturday. So it was Thursday. within like a year and a half I was president of the club and there were probably a hundred hundred fifty people by extension I got to know who ended up being clients of our practice right now now I didn't go to get I go I went and got to know people and as a result of them getting to know me it gave me the I guess the the permission for them to find out more about what I did

Wow. Right, wow, that's amazing. Yeah, and that's the angle it needs to be your intentions are the intention needs to be pure, right? Like, you know, I think a lot of people sometimes go in tension. Okay, well, I'm going to go and that cricket club so I can get more patients. Wrong, wrong approach, right? Wrong, because it they're going to feel it and it's going to change. I think, you know, you got to just go and, and do the right things and go and do things with for not for just one objective, but like, and then things, good things will happen to you. I really believe in that. Right. But I'll come back to say that, you know,

Yeah. Yep. Yep.

glad you had that great experience in Dublin. I'll gotta admit, you know, one of the challenges I felt when I mean, I moved around in Australia too as well. Um, it's not like I did not establish friendship groups and stuff, but I found it definitely harder, uh, in Australia specifically mostly because it's a brand new country for me, uh, over the last 20 years, but in different places, I definitely found it harder moving into a city, uh, as comparative to maybe in a country country town, I never moved into country town. So I don't, can't really comment on that. Yeah.

Yep. Yep, yep, 100%, 100%, yeah, totally, totally. Because I'm a city kid, I've grown up in the city and my wife Bettina has basically grew up in the country and it is a phenomenal place to live and to work when you're in a country town. Because by extension, people make it a way of life in terms of meeting and greeting people. In the city's, pardon me,

Hmm. Hmm. Yep.

you feel it. You know, people hustle and bustle, they're walking away, they don't take an interest in their next door neighbour or what's going on. I mean, I grew in the city, lived in the city for many, many years. I couldn't tell you who lived three doors up unless I really made an effort of it. And yet when I lived in the country, gosh, everybody in the community knew what street, what place they lived in, who they're granted, everything. It was amazing. And you couldn't go

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's a massive difference, right? Because I think oftentimes it's not just, and I want to point that out, it's because it's, it is, I mean, it partly was my fault, and in a sense, not fault, but it was partly my responsibility for not going out and engaging myself into certain groups and stuff, because, you know, either just I'm an introvert, I just don't care, or I didn't, I didn't feel like that needed to, or whatever, I don't know why. But you know, in hindsight, it was, it was, but I do feel that there's a massive difference of what I'm doing here in Portugal than I have been in the past.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

for just people who move in countries, but just as like, this is just an important element for anybody going into business, into an area, into a community or an arena that they're, they're not exposed to yet, or they're, it's brand new for them, right? It is, it takes an intent. So depending on the environment you entering in, definitely change the landscape. But also to what changed the landscape is the intention of you taking the responsibility to go and engage. I think that's what we've been kind of talking about over the last five minutes.

Yep. Yep. Yep.

The like for me here, I'm not sure how your experiences in Spain, but like here, when I go engage, like whether I've been in a CrossFit class and well, like 80, I would say 80% of the people are Portuguese, right? So but then there's, you can spot the English speaking people very easily and you go and have that conversation. And you know, from one conversation, you just kind of, you know, meet up with other English people and then that has just established in which our friendship group is growing, growing based on just that, you know?

Yep. Hmm.

and it goes to schools and so on and so forth. But what I'm saying to you is that because they're English speaking, they're not Portuguese. And by definition of that, they're an expat. And by definition of that, they made a leap just like me, right? They made a move, they weren't born in Portugal. They were born somewhere else, they lived somewhere else, and we both decided to move here. And so right in the first one second of conversation, we both know we have something in common without even saying a word to each other. And I think because of that commonality

Yep. Yeah. it. Yeah, it's exactly right. Yeah, exactly right.

to have a discussion. Whereas if I'm going into a city, like say Sydney, and I walk in, I'm like, well, most of these people have either grew up here or lived here for so many years, it's a little harder to crack because they've already established their friendship. They don't necessarily need another friend, right? And out here, I'm trying to crack into certain things. It's harder. I'm not saying it's impossible. I just don't necessarily have the, you know, maybe personality to do so, but I know I could. I just didn't try as hard. And that's something I regretted, you know, in hindsight.

Yep. Yep. end. Yeah. I mean, and that's, and there's a great learning experience that you've now taken to Portugal. It's really interesting. You know, like I reckon when you go back to school childhood days, you know, kids always sort for same, they look for commonality and it's like, Hey, you got red hair, I got red hair, we're friends. And that's bang, that's how it starts. And sometimes you look at friendships in childhood and you go, how did it, where did we become friends? You go, I don't know, man. I think I just sat with you next to you one day and we just, do you want to be a friend? Yeah, sure. No worries.

Ahem. Yep.

adults as we grow, we kind of break out of that. We've got our own stuff we're focusing on. We've got our own priorities and we don't make an effort. And, and I think it gets hard. It does get harder as you get older because you start, you know, as, as, as we get older, your world starts closing in and it, and right now, like you've got kids that are in school age. So this is a time and period where it forces you to keep doing that, whether you want to or not.

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

The natural inclination for most people is to close in their world, not to expand it. So consequently, you're going to have less friends than more over time, unless you make an effort. And, you know, like, so I think you're 100% correct that the intention is really important, you know, like, why am I doing this? But sometimes, you know, it's the expression of life. It's like, hey, I want I love to dance. So I'm going to go out and just join a dance group to expand that part

Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

like you and the last thing I want to do is actually go out and dance but if I thought that that is what I needed to do I would find a way to force myself to do it you know I don't do it now it doesn't come naturally

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think one of the things that, well, one of the things I've also, me and Karen, my wife, uh, made a commitment to ourselves, like when we moved here was that we're gonna have to do things differently. So like we were really intentional about, okay, like, listen, we can't do the things that we did before in terms of how we engaged into the community because we're going to need to do something different because this is brand new. Like, you know, most of these people don't speak English. So therefore it's like, no, we're going to have to figure out, find our tribe and we're something like we can just sit back and let people kind of, you know, invite us that we have to do the work here. And so that was one intention. But we also did it for another reason, which was for kids, right? Because our kids are modeling off of us. And one of the things I really sort of started to pick up is like our friends, like our kids have friends, but they don't go out of their way to go do things with our, with their friendship groups and, you know, and friends. And I'm thinking, okay, they're definitely picking that from us, right? You know what I mean?

Yep. Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

like, because most of my friends are all over the world. So it's a little hard to get together. You know, like, usually, we have to travel somewhere else to go there, you know, I don't have necessarily like a lot of friends around the corner. And so therefore, we go, no, no, we're gonna have to change that. And so we have our intentional, not just for ourselves, but we intentionally go, we have to, like, we have to allow ourselves to do the hard work so they can start mimicking it and start to learn through it. And we have to talk out loud about like the difficulties around that the challenges that come along with

Yep. Yep, yep. Yep.

that how hard it actually can be at school and be okay with it because that's what mom and dad are going through too. And I think so for us was really an important element to make sure that they're learning from us. And it's been a fun experience doing that.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, I think that's a really great lesson. I think you just said about modeling it for your kids because fundamentally that's right. They're gonna look for reassurance and say, hey, mom, dad, this is all new, I'm a bit daunted by it. And if you can go, yeah, I get that because we're in the same boat and this is what we're doing. You're actually showing them a pathway. I think that's really helpful. So, Lawrence, let's just flip it a little bit. And let's just say someone was starting a business in a particular area, whether it's a town or city,

Yeah. Hmph.

matter or they've been working at a business for a while but they want to change something about it. Can you relate some of the things that you've done in your last five months, six months, that you could basically reflect back to people and say this is what I found would be a really good strategy of integrating into a community and becoming preeminent or maybe even last six months or even just your experiences over many years of being in business.

Ahem. Yeah, so on top of the things we just already mentioned, like be intentional, um, and you got to, you know, actually put in the work. Um, I think the, you know, one of the most important thing is actually curiosity. So I'm going to use that as a, as a fundamental baseline of it. Curiosity, meaning like, so I sort of go back to the school example, but like when you're, when you kind of meeting parents, most parents are going to want to meet parents from the same year group. So if it's grade nine, they're going to want to meet parents from grade nine.

Yeah.

brand new, we just recently we were just in this like brand new, all these new parents come into this group. Oh, like, you know, how so and so like, what grade are your kids and it goes, Oh, you're in grade six. Oh, I don't have any kids in grade six. So like, they almost kind of like, oh, we don't have the same issue. So should we talk? Or should we not talk? And it's like, like, we can still be we can still have conversation, like, just because our kids are not the same. So it's that it that to me, it's about finding not just commonalities, but being curious, right? If you're generally curious about the other person, it doesn't matter, like what grade or what whatever

Yeah. Yep.

Approaching a situation is be curious about other people, period. I find that when you ask enough questions about them, I learned this from, I don't know who, I think I learned this from Jay Abraham when he talked about a story, where like if you go to a bar and you meet someone brand new, like if you actually just spent an hour asking this person questions, not just for asking questions, but asking questions that you're curious about, about their family or about their business, how did they get started? Like, oh, that's amazing. Like, so, but how did you come up

Nice. Yep.

that idea and you have this conversation, they just spend like an hour talking to you, they might ask a couple questions about you, they will walk away from that conversation thinking that was the best conversation I had, right? Why? Well, because they got the whole time talking about themselves, right? And so, and that's the fundamental. And I learned that from, I was like, oh, curiosity, that's important, right? Because if you get curious and put genuinely curious, right? It's not just like, there's not a system here, right? It's being genuinely curious about

Hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

then you have a chance to really get dive deeper into a conversation and dive deeper into the network and That that's really helps. I think such an important element based on what we're talking about So that would be my tip as one. So what about you?

Yeah, I like that one. Well, for me, it's actually really interesting because for me, if you're giving, I think if you become associated with something that's really important to you, that you love you, you find value in, and you participate in that, you're gonna meet people along the way who share that mutual interest, and that then becomes the avenue and portal from which to be able to start talking to them that you do and et cetera. An example I have for this many, many years ago, same country town, Dubbo, New South Wales, I'll never forget this experience where I would have, there was an orthopedic surgeon in town and I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to meet a lot of the professionals and they were really good. They were quite an open community health-wise. So we had a great network. One of the GPs delivered our baby, our son. He was the last baby ever delivered. It was one of those GPs who delivered the baby as opposed to an obstetrician. But we went into this town, this is an orthopaedic surgeon. I kept on trying to contact him. I'd call up his office. He's busy, can't talk to him, won't take an appointment, won't meet with me. I'd probably like tried for like two, three months. I just got crickets. I just got basically stonewalled. And I got invited to become a member of Rotary, Rotary International. I became a Rotarian. doesn't know what Rotary is, it's pretty much a philanthropic organisation. It's usually business people get along together and they go out and do things for their community. And so I got invited on to speak number one at a Rotary club, but then to be invited to join. Lo and behold, this same orthopaedic surgeon was a member of this Rotary club. And when he got to know me, not only did he What I learnt and I learnt critically is that when people get to know you, know what you're about, what your essence is, they then trust you on a personal level. So then whether you're a plumber, whether you're a carpenter, whether you're a carpenter, whether you're a coach, whatever, they're going to trust you because they trust the person. And I really learnt that a lot. And particularly in a country town where they see through people probably a lot quicker in the quality of the people. That was a profound lesson for me.

That's beautiful. Like that is such an important thing. And you're absolutely right when you, you gotta find the common grounds. And then when they can, when it's, sometimes it takes multiple exposure to you on various platforms. Like if you keep on showing up in various areas, not like, you know, at the Rotary Club or the gym, and then, you know, on the street, like all of a sudden, like it just creates this like, oh, there's a sense of like, maybe we're meant to meet, or like, at least we have something in common. And that could be a church group, if you belong to a church group

Yep. Yep.

could be a particular, you know, groups like that. All of that stuff adds to an element and we have now something in common. I think that there's definitely some trust there. So for me, another tip would be, based on what you just said, it's be genuinely who you are. Don't try to be someone you're not. And I know that sounds, of course we know that, but like, let's talk through that, okay? I think it's really, really important because the thing is that as adults, we would think we know better, but let's face it,

Hmm. Yep.

Of course, we still are hardwired to be wannabe tribal, wannabe part of something. And there's a tendency to maybe try something or do something that you're not necessarily, that's not aligned with who you are. And that may get you in the door per se, but in the long run, it's hard to hold onto that mask. So as adults, we should know by now that it's a lot easier to just not have a mask

Yep. Yep. Hmm.

and then trying to hold a mask that is not uniquely you. As kids, they're going through that process. It's hard to figure it out. There's peer pressure of whether it be drugs, drinking or any of like, whatever. That's hard. But as an adult, fundamentally, if there's certain things like I don't drink, and I don't feel compelled to go to a, like when someone says, let's have a beer or something, no, I don't drink. And I'm okay with it. And we obviously we're okay with it, but there's no, I don't need to apologize or justify

I'll be soon. So, yeah, yeah. Hmph.

So I mean, not something really small, but the point is, be yourself, don't have to try it because generally then they actually then can shape who you are and can figure you out. And then you present yourself in that way that develops more trust. If there's similarities, if there isn't, then so be it.

Yeah. Yeah. The whole conversation about masks could be like five podcast episodes in themselves. Lawrence, I like, I just, I was there going, hold it, hold it, hold it, just a studio. Cause I love that theme. And I totally agree with that. You know, I'm going to give you an example. Lawrence, we're recording in t-shirts now, right? Both of us, for anybody who's just listening to audio. Now, anybody who would know Lawrence and myself from previous careers, 15, 20 years ago, would

Yep. Thanks for watching! Yeah. A suit, man, a suit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I drew a suit, that's what I'm saying, shirt and tie, suit, it's like, I got a funny, I got photos of myself, Lawrence, when I was a little kid, cause my mom was a dressmaker, seamstress. And at five, I was like dressed up in shirt, suit, I'd go to school and suit, ties, the whole lot, every year I was a kid. And they're like, why are you dressing up like that? It's like, cause my mom does this stuff. And so I'm so comfortable in shirt and tie, it's not funny. And yet as time's gone on,

Yep.

my own self, I've realised that I can drop that. Part of that was the persona that I felt I had to live up to. And part of it was just like, okay, well, this is the done thing. But I think you talked about dropping the mask and being yourself, because this is what I've learnt, is when you do that, the people who are waiting for that version of you to arrive suddenly go, I found my person, or I found the person in there. And so there's just a totally different shift, you know, and

Mmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Basically go, listen, whether you want to work with me or not, that's okay. But here's how, this is who I am, this is what I stand for. And I'd love you to be a part of that. But I'm not going to be anything other than me. And as you said, I don't drink either. I really, I don't drink. And most of the, my, do, and I don't make them wrong. They, they put it on me for not, but I'm okay with it. I can hold up to that because I'm clear in who I am and what I stand for. And it doesn't have to be about alcohol. It's not a don't drink podcast. It's about.

Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, absolutely not. I didn't even know you didn't drink, so, I don't know.

just get to, no man, I don't, I don't, I don't, I just, it's just not something that I feel good doing. I just don't feel great in myself when I'm doing that. So, but it's not about drinking, it's about saying, okay, for you, it may be that you feel that you have to agree with everybody or do things so that people think you're nice rather than actually really tell them what you think. It's the same thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But I will say I will wear a suit because I look damn good in a suit.

Uh, and you do that and the hair that always looks like it's just been, it's just, it's, you know, you, you got, you got to, you got to, you got to go with your strengths, Lawrence. And that's definitely one, but.

Well, it's in context, right? So it's like, you know, so yeah, it's definitely in context. And yeah, right now we don't need to be in a suit and tie because like we're just chatting with two guys chatting over online in two different countries in Europe. And, you know, we don't need to. Exactly. It's about being comfortable in your own skin. And that's hard to do. I think it's, you know, it's really hard to do. I'm trying to think if this is relevant to this conversation, but I think it is, because when you're going to new places and networking and meeting new people, it's hard not to put up a front.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's hard not to put up your best self. It's like it's going on a date, right? It's like, I've been with my wife for like 26 years now. So it's been a long time since it's been on a date, right? So, but, right? I think building friendships, building relationship with your clients, all of that, it's the same thing. It's like dating, just not in a romantic way. And the reality is that we're all gonna put up our best selves the first couple of times,

Awesome, awesome, awesome. Mm-hmm. Yep.

do. But so it's what I guess what I'm saying is it's it is really difficult. And I want to just say that out loud. It is difficult and it's challenging not to try to shift that mask or try to like present all the best parts about you, right. But I always got to remember like, this is a long game. I'm not trying to win your friendship in a day. We're not gonna like the chance of me and you becoming best friends on the first time I ever meet you is it's possible. But it's probably is

Yeah. Hmm.

to take the intention of going, Hey, I had a great chat with Jim. You know, when we first met, I don't know, I would say I ventured about seven years ago, I would say maybe. And we had a conversation, we had lunch, um, you know, with a bunch of other people, and then we just never connected again till, I don't know, maybe like last year, maybe a year and a half a year ago, maybe so, and then, you know, and then it's like this constant exposure over time and then hinting at something that, Hey, we should consider something maybe in the future.

Yep. Yeah, properly, properly, yeah. Hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

These things take time to develop just like a marriage, just like a relationship. Like everything takes time. And I think people, you know, when they go into, so that's, I guess the next rule, or I don't know what's a rule, but another thing, when you go into these networking situations or building yourself and building that rapport with your new clients, play the long game. Like don't, don't try to go for the home run on the very first time you meet a community or a group, like you got to play the long game and just go with

Yep. Yep. Yeah.

and being you and being intentional, all of a sudden, that will pay off at the end. Don't go for the short wins, go for the long wins, play the long game, enjoy the process, and just trust the process.

Yep. 100%. And you're right though, Lawrence, in that it goes against what biologically we're hardwired to do, and that is to connect, to be part of a group. Because, you know, historically, if we were cut off from a group, that was akin to decreasing your chances of survival. So most people don't like that feeling of being separate, alone, being someone who deviates from what everybody else does.

That's right.

the teenagers and beyond, they all want, if you ever look at a group of teenagers together, the common hella, they dress the same, they look the same, they wanna be part of the same group, right? And it takes a particular person who says, I can see that, but I'm gonna basically run my own course. And a great bit of wisdom that I, I wish I had known this earlier on, but it's the 2040-60 rule of aging. Have you ever come across that?

Yeah. I know.

The 40-60 rule basically says when you're 20, you think that everybody's thinking and talking about you, and you care what everybody thinks about you, right? When you're 40, you don't care what anybody thinks about you. And when you're 60, you don't care, and they actually weren't talking about you at all, and you couldn't care at all what they were thinking about you. So fundamentally, it goes along the lines of as you age and theoretically get more comfortable in your own skin, you beat to the rhythm of your own drum,

Right. Okay. Yeah. Right, right, okay. Hmm.

comfortable in the way you do things and say, you go, look, I'm going to do it this way instead of that way, because that gives me personal fulfillment. And I think a really beautiful place, you know, everybody that I coach that I work with, when I'm working with them, we want to help define what it is that they came to help us work with. But fundamentally, we always go for fulfillment goals. We always go for, okay, so why are you doing this? So is the

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

going to happily achieve. And so something essential comes out of being true to self first and then acting from that place, rather than acting thinking that you're going to get a feeling when in actual fact you're missing that whole boat.

Yeah, no, absolutely. And that's such an important thing. But I wonder if, you know, it's just a curiosity thing. I wonder if you know, you mentioned the 20 4060. Is it age? Or is it because like, it takes that long for us to kind of discover that because

Part of it is aging because when you're in a teenager and you wanna fit in, you're really conscious of what's going on and what everybody else says and does. And so, even in the first years of when you're, you know, the new parent, I wanted, I read every resource, every book, everything that I could possibly find because I was uncertain. I was looking for certainty.

Yeah. Hmm.

in people, I wanted to do what everybody else had done before. And there's wisdom in that. But then you get to a point where you suddenly go, you know what, hang on, we're on our fifth child now, we've done this several times, I trust myself, it's okay. And so consequently, you develop confidence in self to do it your own way. Yes, being mindful of the important things, but not buying into the things that the insecurities, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

out all the time where particularly in this day and age that I'm seeing with people is that the fundamental principles of life, relationships, business are the same. Connections, trust, rapport, value, they're the same. Now we've invalidated some of them because of our pathways to increase efficiency, i.e. social media, et cetera, but fundamentally the pillars that keep people strong are still the same.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

the more you are able to harness those by being true to yourself, I think that then increases your chances that you'll find someone who's really looking for that, as opposed to the front of stage version that you talked about, that we portray to the world isn't actually the truth.

Yeah. Yeah, and I think that's also an important lesson for his parents too, as well. Like I know I fall guilty of this and it's a challenge to hold back to like, it's easy for me to say to my daughter, Kaya, or my son, Christian is like, you know, don't let anybody tell you, you know, not, you know, that you can't be yourself or like, just go be yourself. Like it's easy for me, right. Because I'm older, but I also got to put myself, I always try to remember like, yeah, but they're like 14, you know, there's still like 11, there's still, they want to fit in. There's that urge.

Yeah. Yep.

you know, although how much wisdom as a parent you wanna share with your kids, they're not ready to hear it or experience it yet. And you gotta let them go through that journey because man, dude, I was a freaking lonely kid, man. Like that was one of my biggest challenge, going growing up, we can dive into that in a different podcast, but it was a challenging period of time, like high school. I was telling my daughter, like, I hated high school. Oh my God, that I hate high school. And it's challenging because like you wanna fit in, but no one, if no one lets you in, you're like,

No, yep, yep. Yep. Yep. Thanks for watching!

have the tools, you kind of like, man, like, you know, what am I, who am I, like, you know, and all that's all these questions starts popping up. But, but at the same time, in hindsight, like 20, 30 years later, I look back and go, you know what, maybe the connections that I have now and the position that I put myself in, and these, you know, friendships, groups and networks and exposure to the different people around the world is probably stemmed

Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yep.

of a kid that I never got. And so I ended up pursuing it in my life, not as a goal, but as like a desire to do it and force myself to really dig deep, to find how to do that. But if I didn't go through that experience, if I was totally accepted in high school or totally accepted in elementary school and all that stuff, I don't know if I would have turned out the way I've turned out. Right? So, and I think that's an important thing to for us parents anyways, for parents that couldn't remind ourselves that sometimes you

Yep. Yep. Yeah. Hmm.

what they gotta go through. You wanna guide them, you're not trying to make it harder, but you still gotta let them go through it.

Yep. It's funny you say that, Lawrence, not funny in the ha-ha funny, but insightful in the way you're saying that because I think I've mentioned before there's a guy called Ben Harvey in Sydney who I did a program with. It was basically one of my coaching, business, public speaking, all those platforms. There are a whole lot of courses, which are phenomenal courses, by the way, big unsolicited plug to them. But one thing that Ben said that struck me, which is profound, he says, and I remember speaking to a group of people at the seminar and the workshop that we were doing the four or five days and he said what's the ultimate objective of business and you know everybody says provide a service turn a profit and then the normal things that that most people come up with Ben came up with a statement that says the ultimate purpose of business is to find the answer to your own problem and in and in solving it for other people you ultimately help yourself so i'm going to go

Yeah. Mmm. Love it Yeah.

in your case, if you find the solution to the problem that you had as a kid, i.e. I wasn't part of, there was loneliness, and you by extension of your network groups are helping other people connect, what you're doing is that you're reinforcing that as a way of life. So consequently, you're healing that part of that wound that you had as a kid. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep, absolutely. Yep.

When I sat with that, I went, holy smoke, that's so profound because that's when you live a life of fulfillment. You actually have this purpose and you're driven to do things over and above I've just got to get by. And that really resonated because then I reflected back on my life. And in my world, I went, there's a hundred percent reason why I'm doing what I'm doing now. It's purely because of the challenges I had as a kid.

Hmm. Yeah.

And so you can link that up. And this is the whole purpose, I guess, of what we're talking about is when you cycle through that and take the learnings and find solutions, you're then actually able to help yourself, help your community by leaning into and being comfortable in who you are for that reason. But when you talk about getting people together, I'm one of the people who's flying over to Portugal in a month. Love you to let people know about the program here.

video. Can't wait, man.

Yeah, so, you know, let's, I'm going to put you on the spot here and just get you to talk a little bit about that for people who may not know that some of the programs that you run. But I'm super excited about it. It's happening in about a month from the time we're recording now. And you reach out and went, Hey, listen, I'm running this program. I'd love to have you there. Would you come? I went, sure, done. And I'm coming. So but you're doing what you just said. You're bringing people together, you know, in an environment.

Yep. Yep.

helping other people and helping that part of you that was missing having people around. So consequently, it gives you a life of purpose and meaning. I know I got really deep there, but something just switched in my head.

Yeah, no, that's exactly what that's exactly what my point was is that like, you know, and the the side of the the mic This is always on my mind and I know you got older kids So, you know, you would have gone through this experience but like i'm in this process. I know what I do and say With my kids right now can have an absolute impact on their life, right on their life journey and um, but one of the things that

Yeah. Yep.

aware is that our kids today in general, I'm just gonna make a generalized statement, is that they don't go through that much hardship because we don't give them that much hardship, right? And so that's the you know so that's what I worry about like that kind of keeps me up at night and I because there's a part of me that knows how important those hardships are for the development of who they will become but at the same time also then I'm a very protective father that want

Mmm. Yep. Yep. Yep.

I just like make sure that take good care of them, you know, like so I'm torn as a parent and and I think we'll probably Discuss this in a different podcast, but like it's such an important It's such an important balance that you have to make as a parent and the choices you have to make To to recognize that and there's no right answer. I'm not looking for an answer, right? I'm not looking for us, but I'm just I'm aware, you know and Yeah, and and those challenges are gonna be there and I feel in today's society we are

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good one. Yep. Yep.

a lot of people are, especially the last two years of what's been happening, we are missing that connection. We're missing connecting with like-minded people. And that's why I'm creating that event called Beyond. And it's like, we're going beyond the mastermind, beyond the typical seminars you go to. Like this, I didn't want to create another version of something else. I really wanted to see, I mean, I have no idea if it's gonna be successful. By the time this goes out, maybe we'll have done it and then maybe we'll find out exactly

Yeah.

wasn't right thing. I don't care. That's the point. I don't care if it's successful or not. I care about the people that are coming. I care about I just want to have do three things with you. I want to number one, explore, explore, experience and elevate each other. So I want to explore the connections that we have explore that the genius that you know, Jim, you what you're going to bring to the table. I want to explore what Matt's going to bring to the table or what Rachel is going to bring to the table.

Yep.

I don't know what that is. I want to learn. I want to I don't want to be the one leading. I'll facilitate But I want to be like put together some great people and go okay Like what can I learn from you? like how can we all learn from you know each other from variety of things from like building businesses having great relationships to crypto or whatever and then experience life together experience dinners and like Go have some fun and exploring different places and then elevate each other's knowledge and friendships

Hmm. Yep. Yep.

I just want to have fun with it. That's that's that that's the point

That's awesome. Well, yeah. Well, that's pretty much what you'd said from the outset. And I think there were a couple of things that resonated for me when you'd said that was there's an opportunity to, you know, like personal growth is one of my top three values. So it's like, if I, you know, as Tony Robbins used to say, you're either growing or you're dying. You know, you're basically, and if you're green, you grow, you're ripe, you're ripe. And so I have to keep growing in some way, shape or form. Stagnation to me is like, nah.

Hmm. Yep.

I just makes my skin crawl. So an opportunity to grow, to be around people who have that as a way of life and also see a new place. And it would get so to me, it was like tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. So that's why I'm on there. And but.

I haven't told you what my next... I gotta say, like I met someone the other day.

I also like surprise. I always like surprise as well. So don't tell me if it's gonna burst it. Okay, okay.

Well, it's not a surprise, but it's it. I'm just preparing you. I'm just preparing for you for 2023. Like I got this idea, met, made up this person, you know, we're talking luxury lot yachts cruising over in Croatia. Ooh, this is, this could happen. This could be the next thing. Well, that's we'll chat more about that.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, I want to go to Croatia. Yeah. And you know, get it, get into Croatia. So getting to Croatia is so much easier from this side of the world than from before, right? You know, um, so much, so, so much easier, but, but what you're doing, and I know I, I kind of deviated a little bit, but it was just to highlight pretty much what you're doing by being in Portugal. This is just me looking at basically a 20,000 foot view and going, Lawrence, you're in a new environment.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah.

a life of design, you're leading a life by example, by modeling to your kids exactly what it's like for you and you're showing the pathway in the process. You've cleared, you've made some decisions that I'm gonna do things differently here. I've got to reach out, I've got to establish connections, I can't just be passive, right? And you're establishing your community, and we talked about this even when we were in concept form with the podcast, we basically said, listen, if we're gonna get on the podcast and just be another podcast, everybody else, and then I don't want to do it. Right? So whoever will listen to us will listen to us, but it's going to come from that place of we want to do something different, right? We don't know what it looks like, but we're open to exploration and curiosity. But what you've also done is you're doing the same thing with your community and kind of going out there on a limb and going, I'm going to establish it here on the other side of the world with people I know and some of them I don't know, trying something new. That's what it's about. This is

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

embodiment and it was kind of led you into that question, that information, because to me it personified exactly what we're talking about, exactly what you've done.

Yeah. Well, it's what this podcast stands for, right? The Wabi Sabi whole thing is about, you know, finding the imperfections, finding the perfection in the imperfections. And we're in a discovery phase of our lives. And I think we're always in a discovery phase for our life for personal growth. And I think this is where we encourage, we want to inspire and we want to encourage people to take a chance on themselves. And it doesn't have to be big, massive leads, but take a chance to do something imperfect. Do something and challenge yourself to, don't always have to be perfect before you press go.

Yep.

and whatever that is, and I guarantee you, every single person who's listening or watching this, right now, there is something in you that you've always wanted to do. The question is, is like, what has stopped you? Like why, and there's obviously a reason why it stopped, there's reasons and why it stopped you, but question it, like why? What specifically has stopped you? And there could be very valid reasons of why you haven't done it. But I would then question yourself, well, are those reasons really valid,

Yep.

to stop you and prolong the decision that you're about to make. And I think that's really important. We have spoken to so many people that say, hey, I wanna move too. That's crazy. Like we've been thinking about that too. Right. But our decision took, I don't know. Yeah, I wish. Yeah. Well, you can. It's just a plane ride. Because you don't understand. No, I understand. Because I've done it, right? We understand. Everybody has their own reasons.

Or I wish I could do that. That's the big one that I found as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

that it was easy, like, and I'm not trying to paint that picture, this was easy. It's still very difficult. I don't have a home, I'm still living in freaking Airbnb for the last six months. And it's not cheap to do that. So yeah, we are not, like anyways, all I'm saying is, look at what you wanna do, what's the excuses. I'm not suggesting you go and do it, I'm just saying, just question it, be curious about like, what if, what if? Like, what if you actually go and went and did it? What would you learn? How would you become on the other side of that?

Yep. Yeah.

We have a very limited amount of time on this world, but at the same time, life is long. So much time in this world. So it's like, you gotta find that contrast between that life is short and life is long, and then go and actually decide what kind of life you wanna live. And every moment you have that choice to make that decision. And I think that's what we're trying to do. And this episode about networking is about embracing that, embracing that challenge to put yourself in difficult situations, to go into a new community, go into a new networking environment,

Yep.

and explore something new, but it has to be to yourself. Obviously who you are, it's gotta be intentional. You gotta be curious, and you gotta stop wearing masks. All of those things we talked about all lean into helping you, guiding you through this process to get closer and closer to that newer version that you're trying to become.

Beautiful. I've got nothing to add after that, Lawrence. I reckon that's a great place for us to wrap up for today and look forward to being with everybody again next time.

Alright. All right, we'll see you next time. And as always, we're gonna be on YouTube and Facebook and Instagram, but wherever you can find us on these podcast networks, please share this though, however, with everybody, because we'll love to have more and more people get insights. If you've been getting the values of this, maybe rate us wherever all these ratings will be and to help us spread our message of wabi-sabi. Talk soon.